Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

Who lived in a pineapple inside my gut?

This pineapple before you was the last know residence of one Spongebob Squarepants. The market ran out of pineapple I needed for this ridiculous rice dish and impressing my hot date called for desperate measures.  So I improvised.  You know Spongebob wouldn’t mind helping Patrick Star get laid if he wanted to bang a whorish whale or hammerhead hottie.  So I figured that the courtesy would be extended to me since I’ve watched enough episodes to render me with the maturity of a 12-year-old.  The only problem is I then used the spongy little bastard to scrub the wok. Spongebob’s usual giggle was replaced by a gurgle.  But I know in his heart he was happy to aid my Cook to Bang quest.  But don’t worry.  I replaced his pineapple house with an empty vodka bottle.  The sponge is soaking up liquor fumes as we speak.

Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: A beer or a SLUTTY TEMPLE

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 cup of basmati rice
2. 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil
3. 1 tablespoon of curry paste
4. 1 pineapple
5. ½ can of coconut milk
6. 1 LEEK chopped
7. ½ pound of chicken cut into bite-sized pieces
8. 1 egg
9. 2 tablespoons of freshly chopped GINGER
10. 2 garlic cloves chopped finely

Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  Wash the rice in the sink.  Fill up a pot with the 1 cup of rice and 2 cups of water.  Bring water to a boil on high heat, and then turn the heat down and simmer covered until the rice absorbs the water (approx 15 minutes).

Step 2
Split the pineapple length-wise.  Use a pairing knife to cut out the meat from the middle, but leave enough around the edges so it holds it’s form.  Chop the meat up into bite-sized pieces.  Set aside.

Step 3
Heat the oil in a large deep pan or wok on high heat.  Toss the garlic, ginger and leeks and cook down (approx 2 minutes).  Add the curry paste and pineapple and stir in the flavor (approx 1 minute).  Mix in the rice thoroughly, stir in the coconut milk and finally crack the egg over and mix it in.

Step 4
Scoop the rice into the hollow pineapple halves until the overflow like a mound above the fruit’s lip.  Cover the stuffed pineapples with tinfoil and bake through in the oven (approx 20 minutes).  Serve up on a plate with your favorite ENTRÉE.