Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

Bang that turkey until it's goes gobble gobble gobble!

It’s time for the orphan round up!  Many young professional go-getters moved far away from home to chase down a dream…and then bang it senseless. For us, going “home”, that place we grew up where our families and oldest friends are, is an impossibility.  For most, it’s a matter of cash, or lack there of (too much cash spent drinking and chasing tail).  It could be a matter of time (I’d rather drink), distance (That far for 4 days?!), or annoyance (If I hear dad ask me to explain my job one more time…).  Whatever the case may be, you are sticking around for a stay-cation and will be attending a Friends Thanksgiving.  What a perfect time to get banged by Little Orphan Annie or Andy!

Now’s the time to pounce on that someone you’ve had your eye on, or one your eye spots this evening.  Lonely and single people eating and drinking together is a recipe for magical mistakes. Everyone there including you will be missing your families and seeking comfort. Who are you to deny a holiday hottie the warmth of your bed?  You have so much to be thankful for.  Show some gratitude by cooking to bang this holiday season.

What better way to start than steal the show and the hot girl/boy than bringing the most banging dish on the table?  Our apologies, we don’t have a Thanksgiving turkey recipe just yet.  But that’s the job of your host who will be getting laid regardless.  For the rest of you, here are some Cook To Bang classics that will make all the single people at the table not only thankful, but grateful:

LIBATION LUBRICATION
•    BANGSGIVING BEVVY
•    HOTTIE TODDY
•    NAUGHTY EGGNOG
•    SAN-GRAB-YA SANGRIA

APPETIZERS
•    ARTICHOKE AND POKE DIP
•    BAKED BRIEZ NUTS
•    BANG LIKE THE DEVILED EGGS
•    JUST THE STUFFED MUSHROOM TIP
•    UNDRESS ME, CAPRESES
•    WRAP YOUR PROSCIUTTO AROUND MY FIG

SIDES
•    CREAM IN YOUR PANTS SPINACH
•    GARLIC GOING ON MASHED POTATOES
•    ORAL TATER-SPLOSIONS
•    SQUISHY SQUASHY CASSEROLE
•    TOWER OF SWEET TATER TEMPTATION
•    TWICE BANGED POTATOES
•    WHO DA MAC AND CHEESE?

SOUPS
•    BUST-A-NUT SQUASH SOUP
•    CARNAL CARROT SOUP
•    LEEK MY TATER SOUP
•    PIMPIN’ PUMPKIN SOUP

SALADS
•    BEET YOUR MEAT SALAD
•    CHICKEN OUT YOUR ASS SALAD
•    FORBIDDEN FRUIT SALAD
•    ROCK-HER-WORLD ROQUEFORT SALAD
•    SHAKE YOUR POM POMEGRANATE SALAD

DESSERT
•    BOOMBASTIC BLUEBERRY CRISP
•    DOUBLE DIP THE TIP IN CHOCOLATE
•    GOODNESS GRACIOUS GRANDMA! COOKIES
•    HOT DUMB BLONDIES
•    HUMPIN’ & PUMPKIN PIE (obviously!)
•    LECHEROUS LEMON BARS
•    POP THEIR CHERRY JUBILEE
•    RICE PUDDING POONTANG