March 23, 2012
The tower of power!
Behold the fabled tower! It is said to control our ids. When it tells us to sacrifice a Chia Pet in its honor, we do it with a grateful smile. With clay and foliage scattered on the floor, dance over it with your arms stretched out to the glowing orange mash. Listen to it coo to you, “It’s okay. Go for it! Embrace the unknown. Give into your desires.” Perhaps you’re bewildered by the fact that a side dish is talking to you. Don’t over-think it. Believe what the creamy, dreamy yams tell you. They have your best interest at heart. And I’m not just saying this because I’m the high priest of the sweet potato sex cult. Kool-Aid, anyone? Read the rest of this entry »
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carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, banging, bewildered, black pepper, butter, carbohydrate, carbs, chia pet, coo, creamy, delicious, DIY, dreamy, easy, fable, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grateful, green onion, guarantee, high priest, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, kool-aid, libido, mash, mashed sweet potatoes recipe, naked, paprika, parmesan dairy, recipe, roast, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sex cult, side dish, sweet potato, tasty, tower, tower of sweet tater temptation recipe, yams, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
March 12, 2012
This dessert was NOT approved by the Girl Scouts of America.
Sometimes the way to lure in a hottie is to appeal to their inner fatty. Don’t make a habit out of it or the fatty will take over like the Dark Side took over Darth Vader. But indulging every once in a while, or more than that if you’re like me, is what life is all about. Balance those small doses of decadence with a few hours of calorie-burning screaming orgasms. Burn enough fat and you deserve another round of Thin Mint Fatties. They are delicious, refreshing, and quick to assemble so you’ll be back to the tainted task at hand in no time. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | dairy, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: balance, bang, banging, butterscotch, calorie-burning, caramel, cookies, darth vader, decadence, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, fattie, food, game changer, get laid, girl scout cookies, gourmet, guarantee, haagen daz, homemade, hottie, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, quick, recipe, refreshing, screaming orgasms, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, star wars, sweets, tasty, thin mint fatties, thin mints, vanilla ice crea, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 5, 2012
Inhale my kale
This simple as sin noodle dish’s got everything. Want healthy green kale? You got it, bub, Feel like the tart of lime, a hint of Vietnamese with the fish sauce, maybe the tang of sun-dried tomato? Indoubely-deed. How about an aphrodisiac triple threat? Bim bam boom. That mean old Dr. Atkins will shake his immortal head in shame over the carbs, but in their defense, they are pretty light and airy. And that will come in handy when all the colors swirling around this healthy noodle dish spin you and your date off your feet and into bed. Feel free to watch the kaleidoscope in the air when you’re both lying panting, post-coital, feeling it.
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Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, carboluscious, fusion, healthy, hippie, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, spicy, vietnamese | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, avocado oil, bang, banging, basil, bim bam boom, carboluscious, carbs, delicious, DIY, dr. atkins, easy, fish sauce, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hippie, homemade, intercourse, kale, kale rice noodles recipe, kale-idoscope rice noodles, kaleidoscope noodles, kitchen, libido, lime, naked, post-coital, recipe, rice noodles, seduce, SEDUCTION, Serrano chilies, sex, southeast asian, spicy, stirfry, sun dried tomato, tasty, vegetable oil, Vietnam, vietnamese, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 29, 2012
"I'm long, and I'm strong, and I'm down to get the friction on!" - Sir Mix-A-Lot
Chicken salad makes most people think of a backyard luncheon on a Sunday afternoon after church. The respectable ladies wear their hats, fan themselves with the hymnal handouts, and nibble on dull chicken salad made with chicken, mayo, and sliced celery. I don’t blame you for dismissing chicken salad as a big old snooze-fest. But what if you substituted Mrs. Anderson’s usual yawn-inducing specialty with the Cook To Bang version turbo-loaded with all things banging? You got yourself a Whitesnake video in the backyard. The ladies will rip holes in their Sunday best, crawl across the foldout tables, and shake their teased hair around as if there’s an oversized fan conveniently blowing. The men, the good reverend included, will headbang and mosh, Jell-O cubes flying everywhere. Careful where you serve this salad! Cook To Bang is no liable for the aftermath.
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1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, LEAFY & LOVELY, poultry, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, artichoke hearts, backyard, bang, banging, basil, cheese, church, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, food, friction chicken salad recipe, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, headbang, homemade, intercourse, Jell-O, kitchen, libido, luncheon, mayonnaise, mosh, naked, parmesan, recipe, rotisserie chicken, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, snooze-fest, sun dried tomatoes, Sunday best, tasty, whitesnake, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 21, 2012
Lick lick lick its so sick sick sick (as in good)!
Apply your whole tongue. Don’t be shy now. You want to start from the base and work that saliva up and down and all around the nub. You’re doing something right when there’s twitching and squirming. How else are you supposed to suck every bit of flavor our of a pot sticker soup? I’m all ears if you have a better idea. For now, we’ll just have to settle for overzealous tongue action that renders your company slaphappy and craving a cigarette even when they don’t smoke. This Thai inspired soup guide your taste organ to its happy ending. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | asian, fusion, healthy, HOT LIQUID LOVE, poultry, spicy, thai | Tagged: asian, bang, banging, broth, cigarette, cilantro, coconut milk, delicious, DIY, easy, food, frozen pot sticker, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, gyoza, happy ending, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lick her pot sticker soup, lime, naked, nub, pot sticker soup recipe, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soup, spicy, tasty, thai, thai soup recipe, Thailand, tom yum soup, tongue, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 6, 2012
Why spend another Friday night at home pissed off at yet another flake?
My number one frustration in the dating scene is flakes. Nothing pisses me off more than having a date lined up for the night and getting a call, or worse, a text message with some half-baked excuse about a forgotten lobotomy appointment. I erase their phone numbers on the spot and wipe their existence from my memory banks. This happens to all of us, especially with those you pick up without the benefit of an acquaintance’s introduction. Thems the breaks of being on the prowl. So what’s a player to do to avoid becoming a victim of the better offer? Wow the living shit out of them with a memorable meal. Granted these flaky whores and douches need to sample your cuisine first. But once they do, flaking will be the last thing on their mind. Their concern will be staying in your good graces so they never miss one of your epic meals. Crab cakes send a clear message that you are a keeper and deserve the utmost respect and courtesy. There are millions of sexy singles who would gladly take their place at your dinner table and boudoir. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, asian, Cajun, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, RECIPES, seafood, SEDUCTION, southern | Tagged: appetizer, bang, banging, better offer, boudoir, breadcrumbs, Chesapeake bay, cilantro, crab cake recipe, delicious, DIY, douches, dust, easy, egg, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fish sauce, flake, flaky, flour, food, fry, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, half-baked, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, lobotomy, lump crab meat, mango, Maryland, memorable, mix, naked, never flakes crab cakes, on the prowl, recipe, red bell pepper, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, singles, tasty, text message, vegetable oil, whores, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 3, 2012
Who's up for a fling with some chicken wings?
These chicken wings were made in a rush for a party watching THE GAME last year. The Superbowl is the only time even non-football geeks hop aboard the fan-wagon. That was certainly the case with my buddy’s girlfriend and her sorority sisters. Uninformed, screeching girls and high stakes sports don’t mix. But one of them had a cute smile that screamed “bad girl on board”. So I ignored the game and made sure she tried my latest and greatest recipe. The spicy, APHRODISIAC triple-threat in the wings did the trick. We both blew off the party to have our own NFL: National Freaking League. I just found out who won the game because I have been her sexual captive. One thing’s for sure: she doesn’t like basketball THAT MUCH. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, asian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, poultry, RECIPES, spicy, thai | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, bad girl on board, bang, banging, bar food, basketball, California, chicken wing fling recipe, delicious, DIY, easy, fan-wagon, finger food, Florida, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, Lakers, libido, los angeles, Magic, naked, national banging association, National Basketball Association, NBA, NBA Finals, Orlando, poultry, recipe, seduce, sex, sexual captive, sorority, spicy, spicy chicken wing recipe, sports, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 2, 2012
Layer upon layer of resistance-slayers.
This recipe goes out to all the Patriots fans. According to my research, a girl from Boston I’m banging, 7 Layer Dip is their ultimate sports-viewing treat. Forgive me if I was misinformed. Rather than curse my inaccuracies with mob justice your time would be better served recreating this dish and serve it up to your football-viewing posse. People who like variety are well sorted with this All-American concoction. The 7 Layer Dip is sort of like a chameleon lover who will become whatever you want them to be. Whether you want white, black, Latin, Asian, or a magical mix, you will get your fill. Talk about a menagerie of flavor! Make this dip, bring it to the party, and go home with some impressed hottie for the TOUCHDOWN! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, mexican, RECIPES, sports, Super bowl, vegetarian | Tagged: 7 layer dip recipe, 7 layers of awesome dip, all-american, bang, banging, black olives, chameleon, colts, delicious, dip, DIY, easy, food, football, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, guacamole, guarantee, homemade, Indiana, Indianapolis, intercourse, jack cheese, jocks, kitchen, libido, menagerie, naked, nfl, recipe, refried beans, salsa, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sour cream, sports, superbowl, superbowl recipes, tasty, tomatoes, tortilla chips, touchdown, usa, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 27, 2012
Somewhere over the rainbow, something's turning me on. Must be my Wizard of Oz fantasy.
Nothing gives me a chubby like an aesthetically pleasing plate of food. Not only does it satisfy the hunger pangs, but the emotionally pangs as well. Mark my words, nothing inspires sexy time dessert quite like a beautifully presented meal. How it tastes is almost secondary to how it looks on the plate. Shallow? Perhaps. But don’t question the rules of culinary seduction unless you want that chard on to go to waste. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, healthy, hippie, italian, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aesthetically pleasing, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, calivirgin, carboluscious, carbs, cook, crushed red chili flakes, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fusion, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hard on, healthy pasta dish, hippie, homemade, intercourse, italian, kitchen, leafy, lemon, libido, linguine, naked, olive oil, pasta, rainbow chard on linguine, rainbow chard pasta recipe, rainbw chard, recipe, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shallow, tangy, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, vitamin c, yummy, zest | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 25, 2012
Epic fail? Hardly!
There are few sure things in this world. You can count on the sun rising, taxman finding you and herpes to come back with a vengeance. But most promises of satisfaction guaranteed have so many disclaimers that it’s impossible to get your money back. Even banging isn’t always guaranteed to wow when you sleep with a prude without the interest or skills to get your rocks off. My advice is to move on quickly from these cold fish in search of the flippier floppier variety. One rare exception to the litany of disappointments is this healthy, tasty, morning-wood inducing dish. You got your greens, protein and carbs working together to make you the sex machine of the hour. If you do fail to inspire sexy time with this, you might just be a libido-less zombie. You might want to get that checked out. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, bang, banging, black pepper, boil, boiled kale breakfast recipe, bread, breakfast, carbs, dawn, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, fiber, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green, guarantee, guaranteed, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kale, kitchen, libido, morning, morning sex, MORNING WOOD, naked, never fail boiled kale breakfast recipe, poach, protein, prude, recipe, roughage, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sure thing, tasty, toast, yummy, zombie | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
