November 9, 2011
You gotta lick it before you zucchini stick it!
I’m not trying to be crass. It’s just an open invitation for your tongue. Do what you gotta, but the door is always open. This is for your benefit after all. Much like Christmas or Hanukkah, I get way more pleasure giving than receiving. I assure you this arrangement will be mutually beneficial and your tongue will likely be writing me a thank you note or, at the very least, a Facebook poke. When your tongue is done licking, you’ll be good to go for any number of sporting events or tailgating parties. Then you’ll be the one whose stick all the cool kids want to lick. Monday football never tasted so naughty! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | 
aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES, spicy, sports, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, baked zucchini sticks, bang, banging, basil, black pepper, breadcrumbs, calivirgin, cayenne pepper, Christmas, cool kids, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, facebook, finger food, food, game changer, garlic salt, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, Hanukah, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lick, lick my zucchini stick recipe, Monday night football, naked, olive oil, poke, ranch dressing, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, squash, tailgating, tasty, tongue, yummy, zucchini, zucchini sticks recipe | 
Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 14, 2011
KA-BOOM! This dish will shake the room.
KA-BOOM! Don’t worry your pretty little head. It’s not the North Koreans or Iranians dropping bombs. This bomb is going off in your mouth and then in your pants. The APHRODISIAC quantities have been quadrupled to ensure you get your based needs met. It’s sort of like napalming an entire jungle to take out one sniper. Overkill? Perhaps. But the job gets done and you get off. This overzealous approach happens to offer banging flavor blasts that should keep you popping, locking and dropping trow. Finally you have a reason to get up out of bed where you have someone slumbering peaceful and naked. Wake them up with a mouthful of eggs and a crotch full of you. KA-BLOOEY! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, aphrodisiac booty bomb scramble, aphrodisiac scramble recipe, asparagus, avocado, bang, banging, black beans, black pepper, bomb, calivirgin, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, eggs, explosion, food, game changer, get laid, goat cheese, gourmet, green chili, green onion, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, iran, ka-boom, kitchen, libido, naked, napalm, north korea, olive oil, overkill, recipe, salt, sauté, scramble, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sniper, tasty, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 27, 2011
You a pimp or a shrimp?
This recipe comes courtesy of Pete in Brooklyn, NY. Great title, great combination of things I love. Pete writes:
When that Portobello just won’t do as its told, shrimp slap it. Yank at it, scrape it up, stuff it good and proper. There will be no more of that disrespecting your taste buds. You will get yours with this recipe. If you fail with this dish, you fail at living the good life. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, contests, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood, spicy, thai | Tagged: aphrodisiac, baked, bang, banging, Brooklyn, calivirgin, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, gills, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, ny, nyc, olive oil, pimp slap, Portobello mushrooms, raw shrimp, recipe, scrape, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, shower, shrimp slap the portobell-ho, shrimp stuffed Portobello mushrooms recipe, shrooms, spicy, Sriracha Hot CHILI Sauce, stuff, taste buds, tasty, thai, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 23, 2011
Wango tango bango mango
Some dances are forbidden for good reason. Most people don’t want Pandora’s box open. All the yeah yeahs get out and inspire naughty behavior. For the average church-going type, this mindset is justifiable. But the act of reading this website puts you in the OTHER category with the greatest minds of any time. We question the status quo. So why wouldn’t you dance a dance considered morally bankrupt if it makes you feel good? That is merely their misguided opinion based on an unbendable worldview. But not you, dear reader. Have at it! This salad shall inspire you to dance with your partner in ways that will make them gasp, while onlookers blush. To hell with the haters who just can’t hang with your self-expression! You’re too busy throwing down with every last bit of lusty passion anyhow. Now sashay already! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, Mediterranean, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, balsamic vinegar, bang, banging, blush, calivirgin, chuch-going, dance, delicious, DIY, dressing, easy, field greens, food, forbidden, forbidden tango roast mango salad, fruit, game changer, gasp, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, haters, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mango, morally bankrupt, naked, olive oil, Pandora’s box, recipe, roast, roast mango salad recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, status quo, tango, tasty, toss your salad, unbendable, vegan, vegetarian, worldview, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 22, 2011
She Bangs, He Bangs, Ke-Bangs!
Let’s be honest here. You wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t like banging. Right? If you thought this site was for carpentry where you learn how to bang hammer to nail…forgive me my trespassing. I am nothing like Jesus the carpenter or Son of God, unless you count the ripped abs from all that stretching on the crucifix. But I do offer you recipes reserved for the gods so in some ways you aren’t totally off. Here we have classic middle-eastern nosh that Jesus may have sampled during one of his hangouts with his twelve adoring homies AKA apostles. Kebabs are simple and perfect for those waning days of summer. Grill, broil it, munch it. Each bite brings you closer to God. Amen to that! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, Middle Eastern, poultry, RECIPES, summer | Tagged: aphrodisiac, apostle, bang, banging, blacken, broil, calivirgin, carpenter, chicken, crucifix, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, god, gourmet, grill, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, jesus, kitchen, lance, lemon juice, libido, naked, olive oil, onion, paprika, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, silk squash, squash ke-bangs, squash kebab recipe, summer, tasty, trespassing, turmeric, yellow squash, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 14, 2011
Get blazing with an amazing glazing.
The only way to be a true player is to wow your date into submission. It needs to be clear that not banging you is their loss. That requires excellence in all that you do. Cooking is an obvious extension of the pursuit of perfection. Nail one or two recipes and you have a repertoire perfect for attracting and seducing new play pals. It’s those little things they will remember and recount to their friends when they are gabbing over coffee or cosmos. So you want to be the centerpiece of conversation singing your accolades rather than picking apart your extension flaws. A good first impression on their mouth can outshine even your ruthless lothario instincts. So be amazing at all times. Glaze some scallops with tangy temptation, and then kick back and let their attraction boil over. Read the rest of this entry »
3 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, Japanese, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: accolades, aphrodisiac, attraction, bang, banging, Be amazed glazed scallops, calivirgin, coffee, cosmos, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, glazed, glazed scallops recipe, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, honey, honey lemon glazed scallops, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, lothario, marinate, naked, olive oil, onion, player, recipe, repertoire, salt, sauté, scallops, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, submission, sweet, tangy, tasty, temptation, yummy, zest | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 26, 2011
Fellas, say this when you serve it up, "Soy Senor Grande Magnifico!"
After you CTB for a while, you get immune to the awe-inspired praise. Deliver the two primal pleasures in large quantities and you will have them brainwashed. Wielding the culinary seduction skills of a wizard has its advantages. You are in control, literally dishing out doses of delight turns you into the banging equivalent of a crack dealer. Intense rushes of ìoohsî and ìahsî are dealt like vials of culinary crack on the playground. Your chosen playpal(s) will be unable to resist you whenever you lead them by the hand into your kitchen. Culinary crack hos they will soon become. This aphrodisiac triple-threat is the perfect first taste that will leave them begging for their next fix. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: ah, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, black pepper, brainwash, calivirgin, culinary crack ho, culinary seduction, delicious, DIY, easy, fig jam, fix, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, it’s so fig! shrimp, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, ooh, pine nuts, recipe, red onion, salt, sauce, sauté, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp in fig sauce recipe, tasty, triple-threat, wizard, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 3, 2011
Bangerine your date's reluctance to smithereens!
Tangerines are a whorish fruit. While oranges, kiwis, and grapes are off to church to pray they won’t be eaten, tangerines rub their citrus all over everybody. I’ve never met a fruit so eager for you to eat them out. They are like that hot girl who realizes her true nature is to be a slut, regardless of what their family, friends and community think. Fair enough I say. Who am I to deny something so tasty the privilege of my mouth’s company? Since tangerines are in season now and cheap (insert hooker reference here), I’m throwing them into the mix just about everywhere. In my salad? Obviously! In my cereal? Why not! In my eggs? My mornings have never been so skank-er-licious! So inspire the whore in your date by serving up a salad with the sweet tangy flavor of bangerines! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, atkins, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, bangerine salad, banging, calivirgin, church, citrus, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, hooker, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, pine nuts, recipe, red wine vinegar, romaine lettuce, salad, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, skank-er-licious, tangerine salad recipe, tangerines, tasty, tomato, toss your salad, vegan, vegetarian, vitamin c, whorish, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 28, 2010
Pom pom pomegranate, pom pom pomegranate, pomegranate, master of fruit!
The seedy, juicy, messy Biblical fruit has invaded my kitchen. This so-called super fruit is fabled to combat cancer, heart disease and ugliness. The juice stains deep red so it has to be the mark of something special, right? Naturally, wanting to make sure my readers are not only sexually satisfied, but healthy enough to enjoy the vigorous exercise associated with banging, I am bringing the pomegranate into the COOK TO BANG fold. The seeds are a challenge to set free, but the joy they bring with each bite make them well worth the trouble. It’s not unlike removing a stubborn bra: you may jam your finger in an effort to set free a pair of glorious juggernauts. A little extra effort will pay off dividends when your date is touched by your concern for their health. Come dessert time it will be paid forward and hopefully again for breakfast. Now go on and shake it until you make it! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | atkins, fusion, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, Middle Eastern, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: atkins, bang, banging, biblical, bra, calivirgin, cancer, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, feta cheese, fiber, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, greens, guarantee, health, healthy, heart disease, homemade, intercourse, juggernauts, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, onion, pay it forward, pear, pomegranate, pomegranate pear feta salad recipe, recipe, red wine vinegar, romaine lettuce, roughage, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexually satisfied, shake your pom pomegranate salad recipe, super food, tasty, ugliness, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 8, 2010
On the ninth day of Hanukkah, give your date your body as the final gift.
Happy Hanukkah! I have banged enough ladies of the Jewish faith to make me an honorary Jew. So I understand the importance of latkes or potato pancakes to the uninitiated. They are ridiculously simple to make, delicious beyond compare, and give a sense of comfort. Those qualities are important when it comes to seducing the Chosen People. You need to put your best foot forward to impress this lot with discerning tastes and banging booties. Getting lucky requires a certain amount of gumption taking destiny in your own hands. Making perfect potato pancakes will position you nicely. Spin the dreidel like you spun the bottle pre-Bar Mitzvah. That’s two minutes in the closet, right after you finish your latkes! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, holidays, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, apple sauce, bake, baked latke recipe, bang, banging, banging booties, black pepper, calivirgin, chosen people, delicious, DIY, dreidel, easy, egg, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, hanukkah, homemade, intercourse, jalapeño, jew, jewish, kitchen, latke recipe, libido, lime, mazel tov, naked, olive oil, paprika, potatoes, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sour cream, spicy latke recipe, spin the bottle, tasty, two minutes in the closet, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
