Don’t say I didn’t warn you. This is not a test of the emergency broadcast center. There will definitely be something wrong with your TV once I unleash the fury. The Chinese have responded to a white man’s attempt at a classic dish. UN resolutions were passed, harsh censures and condemnations issued, apologies accepted that rebuked. Who would have thought me taking a little creative license in the kitchen to try to impress a cute Chinese citizen would cause such international crisis? Granted, homegirl wasn’t impressed for authentic it was not. But tasty it was. Perhaps I can explain that to the lynch mob surrounding my house with pitchforks. Newsflash, douche bags: my head on a platter won’t smooth things over. Only the diplomacy in my pants will do. Now fly me to Beijing!
Total time: approximately 8 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: Beer, no substitute
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tsp sugar
2. 2 tbsp sesame chili oil
3. 1 tbsp soy sauce
4. 1 tsp oyster sauce
5. ½ tsp cornstarch
6. 1 lb chicken breast cut bite-sized (can substitute beef, pork, shrimp, tofu, etc.)
7. ½ yellow bell pepper cut in strips
8. 1 large/2 small eggplants cut bite-sized
9. 1 small handful cilantro chopped coarsely
10. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
11. Red CHILI peppers for heat
12. 1 small handful GINGER finely chopped
Heat up 1 tbsp chili sesame oil and sauté the ginger (approx 30 sec). Add the chicken, brown it with the ginger (approx 2 min) and remove.
Heat the remaining oil up and sauté the green onion, cilantro, red chilies, bell pepper and eggplant until they soften (approx 3 min). Add the soy sauce, oyster sauce, sugar, and cornstarch. Finally add the chicken and cook it all together (approx 2 min).
Serve up solo or over RICE.