Santa has been a dirty dog. Getting all up in people’s chimneys, drinking their eggnog and kissing mommy. That fat bastard has quite the racket going on. He pretends to be a jolly fat man spreading toys and joys around. But that’s just a cover so he can bang every MILF he can get his sick sausage fingers on. Homeboy gets right into your house, chimney or no, throws some chintzy toys his worker elves made in the North Pole AKA a Chinese sweatshop, and is banging your momma underneath the Christmas tree your family so innocently decorated. And what does he leave behind as a calling card? Cookie crumbs and a half-drank glass of eggnog. But now’s your chance to show the holly jolly sex-fiend who’s boss. Sure he banged your mom in your own house. But that doesn’t mean you can’t use the leftover eggnog to make French toast on Christmas morning. Think of it as a way for your family to bounce back and avoid becoming yet another home broken by Santa Clause. And if Santa just banged your girlfriend or wife instead, take heart that she was probably star-struck, like banging a Backstreet Boy in their hey day.
Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: More NAUGHTY EGGNOG
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 cups store bought or NAUGHTY EGGNOG
2. 1/2 cup maple syrup
3. 4 dashes nutmeg
4. 1 handful raisins
5. 1/4 stick butter
6. 4 slices bread
Create the batter by mixing 1 1/2 cups eggnog with nutmeg. Submerge each slice of bread so it soaks liquid.
Get the pan or griddle hot and grease it with butter. Throw each battered slice of bread on the grill and cook until each side is brown and flip (approx 2 min per side).
In a separate pot, heat up the maple syrup, raisins, and remaining eggnog until it reaches a soft boil.
Place a sliver of butter on each plate and smother the French toast in sauce.