DON’T BREAK UP, KETCHUP!

Serve up ketchup to cure up relationship hiccups

Post Valentines Day blues? Did you forget to buy jewelry? Bring baby’s breath flowers instead of roses? OR were you the insensitive $@*&! that forgot the day altogether? Regardless of your trespasses, your significant other is mighty pissed. Odds are your ass is about to be bounced right out the door. You best be proactive to solve this little quandary before they are on the phone with that ex you hate or off to the bar to slut it up with the first sketchball that buys them a drink. Take it from a guy who has pissed off more girls than I have hairs on my head (no receding hairline here), drastic measures are called for if you want to keep them around. Since the CTB method is my ticket to everything from company for the night to free timeshare rentals in Costa Rica, food is the answer to most of my problems. Cook To Beg with a jar of homemade ketchup.

Total time: approximately 12 hours (1 hr cooking, 11 hrs refrigerated)
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Depends on what you slather it over

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 1 small can tomato paste
3. ½ cup white wine vinegar
4. 1 28 OZ can tomatoes
5. 1/2 cup brown sugar
6. 1 onion chopped coarsely
7. 1 dash salt
8. 1 small handful chopped BASIL

Step 1
Puree the tomatoes.

Step 2
Sauté the onion in olive oil on medium heat (approx 5 min). Add the pureed tomatoes, and mix in the brown sugar, basil, salt, white wine vinegar, and tomato paste. Bring to a roaring boil, and then simmer on low heat uncovered until the liquid reduces in half (approx 45 min).

Step 3
Puree everything in the stockpot. Dump the contents into a bowl, cover with saran wrap, and refrigerate overnight. Serve as the most epic condom-ment for fries, eggs, potatoes, or just about anything that would be loved up by the classic red sauce.

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One Response to DON’T BREAK UP, KETCHUP!

  1. […] Step 1 Peel the potatoes, cut fries via thin slicing crosshatch fashion, and then rinse out starch until draining water is clear. Step 2 Heat up the oil in a small pot to 325°F/165°C. Throw in the potatoes and fry until the start to harden (approx 2 min). Remove from oil and lay out on something they can drain on (I used an oven rack set over a baking pan). Let them cool down (approx 2 min). Step 3 To attain this level of awesome, Belgium-style double-fry  for that extra crispy taste. Throw the fries back in and cook until they turn golden brown (approx 2 min). Allow the fries to cool and drain once more (approx 2 min). Step 4 Things are about to get interesting. Dump your crispy fries into a bowl, drizzle the truffle oil, add salt and scatter the Parmesan. Toss the fries in the bowl of totally adulterated flavor and serve immediately. These fries hold up even without CONDOM-MENTS, but if you must, don’t overwhelm the truffle parmesan goodness. Rock simplicity a la DON’T BREAK UP, KETCHUP! […]

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