Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

I’ll be totally unoriginal and admit that I am a white man that loves the Asian ladies. The way they smell, their svelte bodies, their graceful ageing, their wiry pu…I’ll stop there. But unlike the majority of clichéd white boys chasing something exotic they’ve never tried, I actually started off my banging career with an Asian girl. My first girlfriend, and subsequently the girl who took my V card, was Thai. She told me her mother was Thai royalty, which I want to believe, but don’t quit buy since she drove a Hyundai. But it’s funnier saying I lost my virginity to a Thai princess. Regardless of royal lineage and dowry, this girl taught me well. Every lover who followed has benefited from her tutelage. The sad part is I started off with such a bang that many of the white girls that followed were boring by comparison. I am an equal opportunity banger, and get down with all colors of the rainbow. But part of me is still chasing those first tender, somewhat innocent moments with some choice yellowtail. This choice sashimi plate loved up by the ponzu sauce and fired up from the jalapeño slices should seal just about any Cook To Bang deal.

Total time: approximately 3 minutes
Projected cost: $10
Drinking Buddy: Sake it to it, baby!

Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 2 tbsp ponzu sauce*
2. 1 dash sea salt
3. 8 fresh slices sushi-grade YELLOWTAIL*
4. 8 slices JALAPENOS
*Available at any Japanese market of fishmonger (Shakespearean for pimp)

Step 1
Lay the yellowtail slices artfully around a place. Douse them evenly with ponzu sauce, add a little sea salt, and crown each slice of fish with a jalapeño.

Serve this off the chain as an incendiary solo act, or follow it up with some MISO HORNY COD with DON’T BE COY, BOK CHOY!