Sweet, spicy, totally macho.

I know what you’re thinking. How could a cold fruity summer soup be so macho? I’m glad you asked. The flavors don’t dance delicately like a ballerina upon your tongue. Fuck no! They river-dance to speed metal all over that tongue of yours with more flavors than you can shake your genitals at. Walls will bust open like the Kool-Aid Man’s back for revenge. Your date won’t wait for permission to ravish you. Mediterranean nymphs shan’t flutter, but grind into your ears with rubber mini-skirts. Does that answer your question?

Total time: Approximately 90 minutes (mostly fridge time)
Projected cost: $10
Drinking buddy: Riesling

Ingredients (serves 6)
1. 1/4 cup olive oil
2. Black pepper to taste
3. 1 tbsp red wine vinegar
4. Sea salt to taste
5. 28 OZ tomato juice
6. 1 large papaya
7. 1 cucumber sliced thinly
8. 1 red onion chopped coarsely
9. 2 slices sourdough bread (stale way okay)
10. 1 clove garlic minced
11. 1 handful parsley chopped coarsely

Step 1
If the bread is already stale you’re halfway there. Toast fresh bread so it’s dried out, but not yet browned. Chop into small pieces and scatter around a large bowl.

Step 2
Slice open the papaya, scoop away the seeds, peel away the skin, and chop the meat coarsely.

Step 3
In a blender or processor, not quite puree the red onions, parsley, red wine vinegar, olive oil, and garlic. Do the same with the cucumber and papaya and pour into the same bowl.

Step 4
Spice appropriately with salt and pepper. Pour in the tomato juice, and then pour it all into the bowl with the bread pieces. Stir together, cover in saran wrap, and refrigerate at least 1 hour. The longer it sits, the more banging it gets.

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