Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

PETER IN NEW YORK:
Just wanted to let you know, I finally tried out your recipes last night. I made the FORBIDDEN FRUIT SALAD as an appetizer, and then followed up with the ASS-SENTIAL SESAME ASS-PARAGUS and the MISO HORNY COD, finished with the BANG ‘TIL YOU’RE BLUE-A KAHLUA BROWNIES a la mode. Everything turned out AWESOME. I followed all of your recipes to the letter and the food was amazing. My girlfriend was so impressed she told her parents about it!

JAY IN CHICAGO:
So I’m admittedly kind of an insensitive douchebag. I get caught up doing my own thing, which drove my amazingly supportive girlfriend away. So I wanted to find a way to show I’m not always the shallow narcissist she says I am. A friend suggested cooking her a heartfelt meal (she always did the cooking and cleaning) so I googled seduction recipes and happened upon the MACKA-DADDY-A CRUSTED AHI WITH PONZU ISRAELI COUSCOUS. I used the key I never returned to get into her apartment and surprised her when she got home with a bona fide badass meal. She loved the food almost as much as she loved hearing “I love you”. We did bang all night, but that wasn’t the point. We’re still together and I am debating which COOK TO BANG meal to make when I pop the question.

MADELINE IN LOS ANGELES:
I felt inclined to comment on how this website HELPED A GIRL OUT! I am in a relationship with a great guy, but I never knew how to get some serious morning action. Thanks to SHAKE YOUR FRIT-TATAS! my boyfriend can’t get enough of my tatas after he devours this delicious breakfast. I can’t say I had a lot to complain about before, but I am endlessly happy with the sweet morning loving I am getting now. Thanks so much for your savory suggestions, Cook to Bang!!!! Works for girls too… who knew?

BRETT IN SAN FRANSISSY:
Adaptable to any orientation it seems, CTB is a gay man’s culinary paradise. FONDLE MY SAUSAGE AND PINCH MY PEPPERS is the cornerstone to any gay first date.  Even if he’s deeply buried in the closet, his stone wall will come crashing down once his buds get a taste.  And if you manage to save room for dessert finish him off with the creamy and infinitely swallowable STROKE MY BANANAS FOSTER.  Thanks, CTB, for showing a “girl” a good time and helping “her” to get that man geared up and firing on all cylinders.

ANDREW IN CHARLOTTE:
My game has been so bad for so long that my friends thought I was gay.  Girls always thought of me as their guy friend that they could say anything to except for “I want to ride you like a pony”.  Thanks to the tips on this website and the Baked Briez Nuts recipe after dinner I felt like Sea Biscuit after 8 furlongs.  The perfect breakthrough for the “Let’s just be friends” talk.

MATT IN MILWAUKEE:
Thank God for this site! I work with this Australian girl and finally grew the balls to ask her out, and because of your brilliant theory I invited her over for dinner. I don’t know if the pear and avocado were aphrodisiacs or if it was the wine or the fact that the bedroom was just a few feet away, but it was the easiest time I’d ever had visiting the down under. Thanks for the recipes, and keep em coming. I’ve got to keep this up!

TED IN ORLANDO:
So I never cook because I work a lot and I have a Weinerschnitzel across the street.  But working at Disney World gives me plenty of chances to meet girls from out of town.  Problem is I get paid dick so I can’t afford candlelight dinner at the Pirates of the Caribbean ride.  But a buddy showed me COOK TO BANG and now it’s way easy to cook.  I got a rotating door of tourist chicks itching for a home cooked meal and some of what I got.  The APPLETASTIC NIPPLERS take no time, but work every time.  Word!

MICHAEL IN PORTLAND:
Up here in Porkland, Oregon there’s very little tail that hasn’t expired or gone lumberjill.  But when you do find one you can’t just be another emo hipster with a cool tattoo.  Cook to fucking bang!  That’s why they call wining and DINING them.  That FLAT ON YOUR BACK FLATBREAD PIZZA recipe cost me a short trip to Trader Joes and a 3-pak of Trojans.

ARTHUR IN LONDON:
What’s a matter with you Yanks anyway?  Such nastiness!  Any Englishman can tell you, cook for a bird and you’re well in.  Get your hole and out she goes with the rubbish.  I did enjoy that HORIZONTAL MAMBO MANGO SALSA.  Nice one!

LEZLEY IN SANTA CRUZ:
COOK TO BANG works for gay girls too.  Every time I meet some bi-curious college girl I invite her over for a home cooked meal.  I wow her a little in the kitchen, a little more in the bedroom.  That CARNAL CARROT  SOUP has some sort of a Wicca effect on my girls.

MIGUEL IN SAN ANTONIO:
Girls in Texas expire quickly, but when they look good, they look good.  They love to eat. So what I do?  I cook for them.  Now I got a rep with a crew of ladies who know I’m a sick cook.  I’m hitting it with all of them, one after another and they don’t even care.  So long as I keep cooking crazy shit like SHAKE YOUR FRIT-TATAS I’m good.  Thanks for the dope recipes!

JD IN OTTOWA:
I’ve used your site for over a year and banged my way through Central Canada. I tell my friends my secret in the kitchen is CTB. Keep doing God’s work!

MARY IN MIDDLETOWN, OH:
I am a woman and believe me I LOVE this web site. I will “cook to bang” my husband, and the recipes are easy enough that he could “cook to bang” me. Keep up the good work and keep those interesting recipes coming! (no pun intended)