Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

Any alcoholic or drug addict will tell you that the first step in battling an addiction is to admit you have a problem.  So let’s start there. I am addicted to aphrodisiacs. No judgments, right? The problem has become severe enough that I cannot function like a normal human being. Everything I cook seems to have one of these mood-altering, loin-enticing ingredients. The other day I made boring old scrambled eggs and I still had to smother it all in hot sauce and avocados. The girl I made it for who insisted I didn’t “sex it up as usual” was disappointed that I couldn’t just make something simple. She left shortly after explaining things weren’t going to work out. Good riddance to her. Granted she was trying to help me see my flaws, but damn it, it’s going to be on my terms. There has to be a happy medium where my every meal isn’t loaded with flavorful and healthy ingredients that cause chemical reactions leading to bigger libidos and more explosive orgasms. This breakfast is yet another example of me not being able to make a meal simple and earnest like something you would consume on an Amish farm. It’s a work in progress people so please tolerate the aphrodisiac overload in the meantime.

Total time: approximately 10 minutes

Projected cost: $5

Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI

Ingredients (serves 2):

1. 1 tbsp olive oil

2. 1 can BLACK BEANS

3. 2 dashes sea salt

4. 3 eggs

5. 1 can TUNA

6. 1 dash CAYENNE PEPPER

7. 2 green onions chopped coarsely

8. 1 sprig ROSEMARY

Step 1

Drain the black beans and tuna cans. Sauté the beans and fish in olive oil, adding rosemary, cayenne pepper, and sea salt.

Step 2

Crack the eggs over the mixture and cover with a pot top so they will cook from steam rising (approx 3 min). Add extra salt if you desire and crown with the green onions.