Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

Turn the key and turn them on!

Sometimes banging someone is a struggle to achieve from the get go. Whether they have morals, romantic notions, or are gold diggers that expect a signed contract allocating your internal organs, it can be a pain in the ass. Wouldn’t it be much easier if said piece of ass would open with a simple twist of the key? My thoughts exactly. So I locked myself in the CTB R&D lab for months trying to figure out the formula to turn any meal into a panty skeleton key, but alas I was foiled. But during the course of my CTB travels, I stayed at one such challenge’s home. While she was at work, I rummaged through her kitchen and shopped for a few extra goodies. When she came home on her lunch break, I had this sandwich waiting for her. Let’s just say she was a little late to work and had to explain a questionable stain on her pantsuit. These pics are the meal I made that cracked the code…and bed frame.

Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 small fresh baguette
2. 3 eggs
3. 1 tbsp olive oil
4. 2 dashes salt
5. 1 dash CAYENNE PEPPER
6. 1 turkey burger patty
7. 3 green onions chopped coarsely
8. 1 handful Italian parsley chopped coarsely
9. 1 tomato sliced thinly

Step 1
Season the turkey patty with a dash of salt and cayenne pepper. Sauté the meat in a pan, breaking it up into little chunks.

Step 2
Crack the eggs in a bowl, add the green onions and salt, and beat it like Michael Jackson in the 80’s. Pour in the egg mixture into the pan and scramble together with the turkey meat.

Step 3
Slice an opening in the top of the baguette and stuff in the tomatoes, parsley and cooked eggs. Slice in half and serve up with the attitude that you already banged once and will again right after breakfast.