- Who da freak? You da freak! And I sure do like it!
It’s about that time. What time you ask? It’s certainly not the time to get dull and apologetic. No sir. Put away the penny loafers and break out the rubber gimp suit. Time to act out your freakiest, kinkiest, most debauch fantasies EVER! Feel like covering yourself in honey and letting grizzly bears lick you clean? Go for it! Ever wonder what it would be like to eat a sandwich while banging someone’s brains out? No time like the present? Have you ever fantasized about combining watermelon into a salad? You are one sicko. But I love it! There are no rules here. We’ll designate a safe word in case we go too far into our depravity. That word is “MORE!”
Total time: approximately 5 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: LICK YOUR LIPS MINT JULEP
Ingredients (for 2):
1. 4 handfuls romaine lettuce chopped
2. Ranch dressing (amount is your call)
3. ½ small seedless WATERMELON
4. 1 handful shredded mozzarella
5. 1 tomato chopped coarsely
6. 2 strips or 1 breast FRIED CHICKEN (store bought OK)
Step 1
Slice the fried chicken up. Cut the watermelon meat from the rind and cut into bite-sized pieces.
Step 2
Toss the lettuce, tomato, watermelon, fried chicken and mozzarella cheese. Throw on a plate and add as much ranch dressing as your heart desires.
Serve the SALAD up solo or as a compliment to some equally trashy ENTRÉE.
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 
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