Ass-ential aphrodisiac for the lustfully-challenged.

Ass-ential aphrodisiac for the lustfully-challenged.

Soup’s sex appeal is often underestimated because it’s generally associated with cans of Campbell’s.  Yes it’s functional and generally quite good for you, but ingredients make the difference.  Enter asparagus, an aphrodisiac and natural Viagra.  17th Century UK naturalist Nicholas Culpepper hailed asparagus for “stir(ring) up lust in man and woman.”  The magical vegetable is loaded with potassium and Vitamin A that boost sex drives and the folic acid produces histamines that increase the power of an orgasm.  So if history, health and sex aren’t motivating factors, consider that it tastes bloody amazing.  Throw in some seafood and you are ready to rock ‘til the break of dawn.  I made this dish the other night for a lady I’m fond of and neither of us was left with blue balls, culinary or otherwise.  Round 1 was shortly followed by Round 2, 3 and on and on.

1. ½ tablespoon of salt
2. 2 cups of chicken broth
3. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
4. ½ cup of plain yogurt
5. 6 ounces of lump crab meat (fresh or from can)
6. 1 onion chopped coarsely
7. ½ a lemon
8. 1 pound of asparagus (fresh or frozen)
9. Black pepper to taste

Step 1
On medium heat, sauté the chopped onions until they are soft like the heart of your date.  Chop the asparagus into 1inch pieces and then throw into them into the stockpot.  Cook for 3 minutes until the asparagus softens.
Step 2
Squeeze the entire lemon half and follow it up with the chicken stock.  Bring it all to a roaring boil. Turn the heat down low and simmer while covered with a lid for 20 minutes.  While you wait you I suggest you make a subtle move, perhaps a warm embrace, or nibble on the ear.  You got plenty of time still.
Step 3
Remove the lid.  The asparagus should have bled green into the stock and the vegetables quite soft.  Fully puree the concoction.
Step 4
Blend in the yoghurt into the puree so it is mixed evenly.  Throw in all the crab, but mix it with a spoon, do not puree.  You want your date to taste the crab, thus realizing just how classy you are.  Now serve into a bowl and let the night unfold naturally.


  1. […] a menu that says “You’re worth not having great sex with a different person every night.” TAP THAT ASS-PARAGUS SOUP BEGGIN’ FOR BACON WRAPPED SCALLOPS BALLS-ON-IT BALSAMIC […]

  2. Betty says:

    Damn. I got to try this kinky recipe!!

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