Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

That no good tart tastes too good

What a filthy, no good tart!  Strutting itself around unpeeled and sweet to a fault.  You’d think this tart would have more manners being of European stock.  But clearly all it wants to do is lay about and put itself in any mouth it can find.  No doubt, this apple has fallen very far from the tree.  But I suppose you think I should just cut it some slack, right?  Just let it go while it tarts around on any available plate, being passed around like a marijuana joint at some hippie love orgy?  I say hell no!  The only solution I have is to cool its jets.  I’ll use the only thing I have in my arsenal.  Ice cream!  That’ll teach it to be so sweet, seductive and bad for me.  Just to prove to you I am the bigger man, I’ll take one bite to show the rest of you how to be disciplined.  See?  One bite and I can say no…all right two bites.  Three.  Screw it!  I’m taking the rest of the tart into my bedroom. But I’m not going to enjoy it!  Seriously.  I’m eating the rest for it’s own good.  Let that be a lesson to the rest of you!

Total time: approximately 90 minutes
Projected cost: $10
Drinking Buddy: A sweet dessert wine or digestif

Ingredients:
1. 16 yellow apples
2. 2 cups of sugar
3. 2 sticks of unsalted butter
4. 1 package of frozen pastry puff

Step 1
Heat up a large skillet (ideally cast iron) on medium-high heat.  Melt the two sticks of butter, then dump in the sugar and mix it all up.  Cook down the sugar until it browns and caramelizes (approx 10 minutes), stirring occasionally.  While the sugar cooks, move onto step 2.

Step 2
Peel the apples and away the cores.  Slice each apple into eights and place them in the caramelized sugar in a pinwheel fashion.  Allow the apples to cook down and caramelize, carefully flipping them over so they other side of the fruit gets the same sweet treatment (approx 15 minutes).  Turn off the heat.

Step 3
Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F.  Throw down a little flower to ensure the pastry puff doesn’t stick to the surface.  Roll out the pastry puffs using a rolling pin, wine bottle or other cylinder device.  Once you have a big enough pastry to cover the skillet, fold it over, and then spread it evenly over the skillet.  Use a wooden spoon or spatula to tear the edges off the pastry puff, and then stuff the edges into the apples.

Step 4
Throw the skillet into the oven and bake until the pastry puff browns (approx 20 minutes), checking occasionally and patting down the puff if it rises.  Once it is ready, immediately remove from oven and grab a pan or large plate that is equal or larger than the skillet and place it on top.  Quickly Flip the tart onto the new surface and allow it too cool (approx 30 minutes), resetting the apples evenly if need be.   While you wait for the tart tartin to cool, immediately clean the skillet so the caramelized sugar doesn’t harden, which is a bitch to clean.