Once you popper, you can’t stop her

Once you popper, you can’t stop her

Most North American sports bar patrons have consumed twice their weight in deep fried jalapeños poppers. Sure they are goddamn satisfying as the cheese stains your shirt, your team scores, and you toast with your third beer. Jalapeño poppers just aren’t sexy fried, period. Don’t even think about getting kinky with an order of twelve poppers with ranch on the side.  But when you got ‘em baking, you can start shaking.  Suddenly the crowd-pleasing appetizer is both edible and credible. The poppers are perfectly portable treat for tailgating, potlucks and the occasional swingers party.  But if you want to CTB, serve your football fuck-buddy finger food.  You are sure to score a touch down.

Total time: approximately 15 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Beer, this is bar food

1. 1/3 cup of flour
2. 1/3 cup of bread crumbs
3. 1 tablespoon of honey
4. 2 tablespoons of milk
5. ½ teaspoon of paprika
6. 3 ounces of cream cheese
7. 2 handfuls of shredded jack/mozzarella cheese
8. 1 egg
9. 5 jalapeños spilt lengthwise, stalks cut, seeds and veins removed

Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Mix the cheeses with the honey and paprika.  Spread enough of the cheese mixture to just fill the hollow jalapeños.
Step 2
Mix up the egg with the milk and paprika.  Separate the flour, egg mixture, and breadcrumbs in separate bowls.  Dip each cheesy jalapeño first in flour, then egg mixture, and finally breadcrumbs.  Set out on a foil covered baking pan.
Step 3**
Shove the baking pan full of prepped jalapeños in the oven.  Bake until the breading browns and the cheese begins to ooze out the side.  (Approx 30 min)  Now you’re good to serve it up on a platter with ranch or ketchup.  Who’s the player now?

**This is the baking method. You could skip this step and deep fry it in oil. But frying isn’t sexy.  Trust me!


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  1. mitch says:

    Just discovered your site from the great white north. Awesome!!!!!!
    The only possible way to make these better would be to add a 1/3 cup corn meal for extra crunch.
    I will be working down your recipe page as I work on down my lover. You Rock My Socks. )i(

  2. evan johnson says:

    hey, fyi, by the picture guide peeps might think that you want to empty the jalapeno innards into the mix…

  3. John says:

    Baking, instead of frying, makes for a night neither you nor she will forget, the burning sensations transferred during oral are intense.

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