POLENTA THOSE CLOTHES OFF SALAD

Polenta it all off, the skivvies too.

Making those pesky clothes vanish is easier than you’d think. Despite the popular folklore that you first must pass a series of relationship tests in order to get there, au contraire. The scientists working around the clock in shifts down in the Cook To Bang lab have discovered a way to leapfrog that major time suck. Polenta draws people sharing it for reasons I could only explain via a Glenn Beck crazy chart. It has the effect even with polar opposites like a hipster honky in pants tighter than the sororitease he’s banging’s black fuck-me pants. Don’t question the science. It just works, like gravity. Or condoms*.

* Effective 99.7% of the time, unofficially courtesy of Planned Parent

Total time: Approximately 1 minutes
Projected cost: $3
Drinking buddy: Red wine or GRINDHOUSE GREYHOUND

Ingredients (12 cookies)
1. 2 tbsp olive oil
2. 1 tsp rice vinegar
3. 1 tbsp agave nectar/HONEY
4. 2 dashes salt
5. 1 handful raw almonds
6. 2 massive handfuls spinach leaves
7. 1 polenta log
8. 4 dates

Step 1
Soak the almonds (approx 15 min) while you move onto step 2. Drain almonds right before tossing your salad.

Step 2
Remove the date pits and chop finely. Heat up 1 tbsp olive oil in a pan on medium heat before sautÈing the date bits. Slice the polenta log thinly and add to the pan. Add a dash of salt, pan-fry, and flip (approx 3 min). Add more salt and cook other side through (approx 2 min).

Step 3
Mix together the olive oil, vinegar, and agave nectar to make dressing.

Step 4
Toss the spinach and soaked almonds with the dressing. Lay out on plates and artfully lay out the cooked polenta rounds, crowning them with sautéed dates.

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