Polenta it all off, the skivvies too.

Making those pesky clothes vanish is easier than you’d think. Despite the popular folklore that you first must pass a series of relationship tests in order to get there, au contraire. The scientists working around the clock in shifts down in the Cook To Bang lab have discovered a way to leapfrog that major time suck. Polenta draws people sharing it for reasons I could only explain via a Glenn Beck crazy chart. It has the effect even with polar opposites like a hipster honky in pants tighter than the sororitease he’s banging’s black fuck-me pants. Don’t question the science. It just works, like gravity. Or condoms*.

* Effective 99.7% of the time, unofficially courtesy of Planned Parent

Total time: Approximately 1 minutes
Projected cost: $3
Drinking buddy: Red wine or GRINDHOUSE GREYHOUND

Ingredients (12 cookies)
1. 2 tbsp olive oil
2. 1 tsp rice vinegar
3. 1 tbsp agave nectar/HONEY
4. 2 dashes salt
5. 1 handful raw almonds
6. 2 massive handfuls spinach leaves
7. 1 polenta log
8. 4 dates

Step 1
Soak the almonds (approx 15 min) while you move onto step 2. Drain almonds right before tossing your salad.

Step 2
Remove the date pits and chop finely. Heat up 1 tbsp olive oil in a pan on medium heat before sautÈing the date bits. Slice the polenta log thinly and add to the pan. Add a dash of salt, pan-fry, and flip (approx 3 min). Add more salt and cook other side through (approx 2 min).

Step 3
Mix together the olive oil, vinegar, and agave nectar to make dressing.

Step 4
Toss the spinach and soaked almonds with the dressing. Lay out on plates and artfully lay out the cooked polenta rounds, crowning them with sautéed dates.

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