Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.  This is not a test of the emergency broadcast center.  There will definitely be something wrong with your TV once I unleash the fury.  The Chinese have responded to a white man’s attempt at a classic dish.  UN resolutions were passed, harsh censures and condemnations issued, apologies accepted that rebuked.  Who would have thought me taking a little creative license in the kitchen to try to impress a cute Chinese citizen would cause such international crisis?  Granted, homegirl wasn’t impressed for authentic it was not.  But tasty it was.  Perhaps I can explain that to the lynch mob surrounding my house with pitchforks.  Newsflash, douche bags: my head on a platter won’t smooth things over.  Only the diplomacy in my pants will do.  Now fly me to Beijing!

Total time: approximately 8 minutes

Projected cost: $9

Drinking Buddy: Beer, no substitute

Ingredients (serves 2):

1. 1 tsp sugar

2. 2 tbsp sesame chili oil

3. 1 tbsp soy sauce

4. 1 tsp oyster sauce

5. ½ tsp cornstarch

6. 1 lb chicken breast cut bite-sized (can substitute beef, pork, shrimp, tofu, etc.)

7. ½ yellow bell pepper cut in strips

8. 1 large/2 small eggplants cut bite-sized

9. 1 small handful cilantro chopped coarsely

10. 2 green onions chopped coarsely

11. Red CHILI peppers for heat

12. 1 small handful GINGER finely chopped

Step 1

Heat up 1 tbsp chili sesame oil and sauté the ginger (approx 30 sec).  Add the chicken, brown it with the ginger (approx 2 min) and remove.

Step 2

Heat the remaining oil up and sauté the green onion, cilantro, red chilies, bell pepper and eggplant until they soften (approx 3 min).  Add the soy sauce, oyster sauce, sugar, and cornstarch.  Finally add the chicken and cook it all together (approx 2 min).

Serve up solo or over RICE.