NEVER FLAKES CRAB CAKES

Why spend another Friday night at home pissed off at yet another flake?

My number one frustration in the dating scene is flakes. Nothing pisses me off more than having a date lined up for the night and getting a call, or worse, a text message with some half-baked excuse about a forgotten lobotomy appointment. I erase their phone numbers on the spot and wipe their existence from my memory banks.  This happens to all of us, especially with those you pick up without the benefit of an acquaintance’s introduction. Thems the breaks of being on the prowl.  So what’s a player to do to avoid becoming a victim of the better offer?  Wow the living shit out of them with a memorable meal.  Granted these flaky whores and douches need to sample your cuisine first.  But once they do, flaking will be the last thing on their mind.  Their concern will be staying in your good graces so they never miss one of your epic meals. Crab cakes send a clear message that you are a keeper and deserve the utmost respect and courtesy.  There are millions of sexy singles who would gladly take their place at your dinner table and boudoir.

Total time: approximately 12 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Beer or a crisp white wine

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ¼ cup flour
2. 4 tbsp vegetable oil
3. 1 tbsp fish sauce
4. 1 tbsp breadcrumbs
5. 1 can lump CRABMEAT
6. ½ mango diced
7. 1 handful cilantro chopped coarsely
8. 1 lime wedge
9. ½ red bell pepper diced finely
10. 4 raw SHRIMP, shelled and de-veined
11. 1 green onion chopped coarsely
12. 1 egg (not pictured, pray for my sins of omission)

Step 1
Combine the shrimp and fish sauce and puree.  Drain the water, and then dump in the crab.  Add the cilantro, green onions, bell pepper, breadcrumbs, and eggs. Mix together vigorously.

Step 2
Heat up the oil on high heat. Pour the flour onto a plate and lightly dust each crab cake you form.  Fry in the pan until each side browns (3 min per side). Dab away excess oil with paper towels, squeeze limejuice over them and crown with mango.

Kick the crab cakes up a notch by serving up some HORIZONTAL MAMBO MANGO SALSA.

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