The King is back. Apologies for missing Elvis’s 75th birthday by more than a week. Cut me some slack, Graceland; I was in a foreign country that doesn’t appreciate the King’s dingaling quite as much. Elvis had the right idea with his clever combination of peanut butter, honey, and bananas. A little gold lame and you will be styling even posthumously. You can be the King of your kitchen when you start your morning out with a glass of burning love. Be the hound dog who gets all shook up in the sack, while avoiding singing in some jail with backup dancers in striped prison suits. This smoothee was made on a whim when I had fuck all for ingredients and was ravenous and parched from exhausting morning sex. Simple, fast, effective. The only thing lacking was a throng of screaming girls. Technically there was only one girl screaming my name. But Elvis wasn’t the King overnight so give me time.
Projected cost: $2
Eating Buddy: SEXIER THAN DEAD ELVIs SINWICH
Ingredients (Serves 4):
1. 2 tbsp peanut butter
2. 2 cups soy, rice, almond or regular milk
3. 1 tbsp HONEY
4. 2 frozen bananas
Combine the frozen bananas, honey, peanut butter, and milk. Blend the shit out of them and serve with your best Elvis impression, preferably the young svelte version instead of the dead, fat bloated Elvis.