Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

The steaks are high. If we don't bang, the world could exxxplode.

Upping the ante is the best way to take things from zero to banging. My process is to continually top my previous culinary efforts. Not only do my dates appreciate it, my skills improve more by the day. It’s my way to stay limber. Meeting the expectation of cooking something nice isn’t enough for me. If it’s not exceptional enough to be remembered when they’re old and gray, I am doing something wrong. The Cook To Bang legacy must be etched into their sub-conscious and passed down through the generations like alcoholism. All food they taste after, even in Michelin 3 Star restaurants, should taste like sand flavored with sewage. Only then can I relax, a job well done. Sure I could have just made a salad, or drunkenly eat the leftover steak cold out of the fridge. But then I’d have to look at myself in the mirror knowing I was a disappointment to my family, friends, and even my pets.

Total time: approximately 5 minutes
Projected cost: $12
Drinking Buddy: Cabernet or Shiraz

Ingredients (serves 6)
1. 2 massive handfuls fresh field greens
2. 1 tbsp white wine vinegar
3. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
4. 1 tbsp HONEY
5. 1/2 red onion chopped coarsely
6. 1 lime wedge
7. 2 tomatoes sliced thinly
8. 1/2 AVOCADO sliced thinly
9. 1 RIB EYE STEAK cooked

Step 1
Create the dressing by mixing together the white wine vinegar, olive oil, limejuice, and honey.

Step 2
Combine the lettuce, tomato, red onion, and avocado in a mixing bowl, and toss with the dressing. Immediately transfer the salad to plates, slice the streak into thin slices, and artfully arrange over the salad.