Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

I see you poking around my business.  You could at least buy me dinner first.  Or better yet, cook for me!  Make me some Italian comfort food and I might just put out.  No promises though.  You still have to woo me. But just want to put it out there that poking my piccata is a possibility.  Just play it cool and don’t act a fool.  Behold this simplified and slightly healthier version of the chicken piccata that takes all of 20 minutes to whip up for who ever is down.  This recipe was born after a particularly exhausting round of bedroom acrobatics that left my tantric trapeze partner and I famished.  I recreated my favorite piccata dish from my childhood using repressed memories and innovation.  Thank god for those frozen chicken breasts stuck to the bottom of my freezer.  That protein boosted me back into top form for another round of aerial maneuvering around the bedroom.  To this day, I have no idea why there are clowns and a lion tamer in my bedroom.  I’m not THAT kinky!

Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: A good red wine like a Cabernet or Pinot

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ½ cup of chicken stock (1/2 of can)
2. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
3. ¼ cup of breadcrumbs
4. 1 tablespoon of capers
5. 1 tablespoon of Dijon mustard
6. 1 teaspoon of paprika
7. ½ teaspoon of salt
8. 1 tablespoon of shredded Parmesan cheese
9. 1 small handful of parsley
10. ½ lemon worth of juice
11. 2 chicken breasts

Step 1
Create the batter by mixing an egg and Dijon mustard in one bowl.  In a second bowl mix up the breading using breadcrumbs, Parmesan cheese, paprika and salt.

Step 2
Pound the chicken breast flat with a mallet or other blunt object (like a baseball bat).  Heat the oil up in a frying pan on high heat.  Dip the pounded chicken in the egg/mustard mixture, and then dip the chicken in the breading.  Throw the chicken breasts into the pan and cook each side until the breading browns (approx 4 minutes per side).  Remove the chicken and pat the grease off with a paper towel.

Step 3
Chop the parsley up finely and toss it into pan, using the leftover oil from the chicken.  Squeeze the lemon juice, pour in the chicken stock and toss in the capers. Allow the sauce to reduce and the flavor to take effect (approx 3 minutes).  Pour the sauce over the piccata chicken breasts and await the onslaught of praise.