It's the happiest ending on Earth!

It's the happiest ending on Earth!

You want happy ending?  You got happy ending.  No ending will be quite so happy as the one that follows this meal.  If you can’t get laid with mussels and wine, you will never get laid…with this date.  Move on.  Your pheromones must be reeking of something close to a hippo’s ass if this dish fails to land you in bed.  Steamed APHRODISIACS incarnate swimming in a broth of spicy awesomeness will unleash the alpha instinct left dormant by society’s deprogramming.  Embrace the power endowed in you and take what is yours.  The secret to steamed mussels success is that they are simple to make.  But your date doesn’t need to know that.  All they should be aware of is that this dish looks, smells and tastes impressive.  Think of this dish like some Eurasian rock star that defies classification unless you are classifying something as ethereal.  Now get out there and pretend cooking these mussels is worthy of a Nobel Prize!  I already received my prize…in the bottom of a box of cereal.

Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $16
Drinking Buddy: White wine or beer

mussels-prepIngredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
2. 1 cup of white wine
3. 1 tablespoon of brown sugar
4. 1 tablespoon of fish sauce
5. 1 can of coconut milk
6. 2 tablespoons of curry paste
7. 2-3 pounds of MUSSELS
8. 1 tomato diced
9. 1 leek chopped coarsely
10. 2 garlic cloves minced
11. 2 handfuls of chopped cilantro
12. 1 lime worth of juice (not pictured, I’ve already been reprimanded)

Step 1
Warm up the olive oil in a stockpot on medium heat.  Throw in the garlic, leeks, half the cilantro and tomatoes and sauté (approx 4 minutes).  Add the curry paste, fish sauce, and brown sugar, mixing and cooking thoroughly (approx 2 minutes).
Step 2
Dump in the coconut milk, white wine and limejuice if you are so inclined.  Mix it all up and bring to a boil for a solid 2 minutes covered.
Step 3
First pull out the beards from the mussels and clean the barnacles off the shells.  Throw the mussels into the broth and cook them through (approx 8 minutes).  Throw in the cilantro and squeeze more lime.  Pour it all into one large serving bowl and set it in the middle with smaller bowls and a ladle.
Leave an extra plate to deposit the used shells.
Serve it up with FRENCH FRIES if you are feeling like a Frenchy French Frog.


  1. […] Step 1 Bring a large pot of water to a boil.  Add the dried noodles and stir until they become soft and al dente (approx 8 minutes), use this time to complete Step 2.  Drain the noodles in a colander. Step 2 Warm up the vegetable oil in a deep pan or wok on high heat.  Add the green onions, cilantro, broccoli, mushrooms and chicken and cook until veggies soften and chicken cooks through (approx 5 min).  Add the Kwong Hung Seng, fish and oyster sauces and let flavor set (approx 2 min).  Dump in the noodles and stir-fry it all together until the noodles have soaked up the flavor (approx 2 min).  Add extra sauce if you so desire. Serve it up with a THAI HAPPY ENDING. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: