Roasting a chicken is a lot like a slow, deliberate seduction: if you rush it you end up with cold meat and ecoli. But done right it should get you laid plus provide you with some kick ass leftovers for sandwiches, salads or right off the bone, in the fridge, drunk. This dish is hearty, proves you made the effort, and did I mention delicious? It’s mostly prep work, then you can slide in the oven, bump the Barry White and boom-chicka-wa-wa!
1. 1 Whole chicken hollow and defrosted
2. 1 whole onion chopped
3. 2 tablespoons of achiote seasoning
4. 1 handful of plucked rosemary
5. 2 garlic cloves sliced thinly
6. 8 small potatoes, sliced into bite sized pieces
7. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Stuff the chicken with the chopped onion and rub the achiote into the chicken skin, leaving a few clumps on top.
Place the potatoes all around the chicken in the baking pan. Place the garlic slices and rosemary evenly over the chicken and potatoes. Drizzle the chicken with olive oil.
Throw the chicken in the oven and roast for 1-1½ hours, occasionally flipping the potatoes so they smother in the juices on the pan’s bottom. To make sure the bird is ready to please and not cause disease, slice into the leg or breast and make sure it’s cooked all the way through (as in not pink, dumb ass).
Carve off sections of the bird whether they be thigh and leg (if you’re an ass man) or breast and wing (you get the point). Serve up with the potatoes and some of the onions roasted inside the bird. If your date doesn’t appreciate this, kick their ass out…stat!
• Squeeze a lemon over the chicken half way through roast for more tang
• Add maple syrup for a sweeter taste
• Stuff breadcrumbs into the chicken if you’re a carb lover