Eat enough of this salad and you'll be like Popeye, banging Olive Oil until Wimpy hits you up for more burger money.

The object to any CTB meal is to wow your date into submitting to your carnal cravings. Their heads’ gotta spin like a GI Joe helicoptering after you twist him around until the rubber band almost snaps. Serve something forgettable, and you can forget any extracurricular activities. I don’t even waste my time with anything that might as well have been nuked from a Hungry Man Dinner. You shouldn’t either unless you prefer servicing yourself rather than have a smoking hot bombshell do it for you. Take this spinach salad. Sure I could have assembled a pre-made package in the time it would take to prematurely ejaculate (at least you’d get off). But a spinach salad that tastes like an angel floated down, fed you, and then gave you a reach around is more my speed. I wager those of you who enjoy similar celestial satisfaction will agree.

Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: Dry white wine

Ingredients (Serves 4):
1. 2 handfuls feta cheese
2. 1 dash salt
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. Champagne vinaigrette at your discretion
5. 4 massive handfuls fresh spinach
6. 7 bacon strips (piggy, turkey, or veggie)
7. 4 eggs
8. 1 container mushrooms sliced thinly

Step 1
Fry the bacon, dab away the grease, and chop into nibbles.

Step 2
Hard boil the eggs, cool down in cold water, remove shells, and slice thinly.

Step 3
Combine the spinach, bacon, eggs, and feta cheese. Toss with the champagne vinaigrette, salt and pepper as you like, and serve immediately.

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