Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

You jam straight I want to bang some more

So I admit freely that my knowledge of New Zealand is limited to the Lord of the Rings, Flight of the Conchords, and a family friend who renounced his Kiwi citizenship.  None of this was going to help the fact that I brazenly invited a cute New Zealand girl I met randomly at a bowling alley bar over for dinner.  She believed me when drunkenly I claimed that New Zealand cuisine had inspired my culinary palette.  So the gauntlet was thrown down for me to WOW this hopefully kinky kiwi.  All my research has turned up was in detail reports about the oppression of the Mauri people, which didn’t strike me as light dinner conversation.  So I just bought a bag of kiwi fruit and winged it.  After great debate with myself, and with timing running out before she showed up, I decided to make a jam of sorts.  I served it with bread, Brie cheese and a New Zealand wine.  This winning combination led to a winning combination of positions in the bedroom, invented by the same people that brought us bungee jumping.  After that night I vowed never to never confuse Kiwi and Aussie girls again.  They hate that.

Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $7 (excluding vodka)
Drinking Buddy: New Zealand red wine

Ingredients:
1. 1 tablespoon of honey
2. 1 shot of vodka (for flavor)
3. ½ cup of sugar
4. 2 tablespoons of flour (or ½ packet of pectin)
5. 6 kiwi fruits
6. 1 lime worth of juice
7. ½ stick of butter

Step 1
Slice and peel away the kiwi skins, then cut them into ¼ thick rounds.

Step 2
Melt the butter in a nonstick pan on medium-high heat.  Add the sugar and honey mix it all up and cook until it browns (approx 3 minutes).  Set the kiwi slices evenly into the mixture and caramelize the fruit (approx 5 minutes). Sprinkle more sugar over the fruit if necessary.

Step 3
Squeeze the limejuice and pour in the vodka.  Cook until the alcohol evaporates (approx 3 minutes).  Push down on the fruit with a slotted spatula to slightly pulverize the fruit, and then add the flour or pectin.  Cook the mixture another minute and then immediately transfer the jam into another container, washing the pan off immediately before the caramelized sugar hardens.    Allow it to cool (approx 10 minutes) and serve up with bread and cheese.  It is also works as a relish for meat.

This entry was posted on Monday, November 8th, 2010 at 12:15 pm and is filed under condom-ment, fusion, gift, healthy, MORNING WOOD, new zealand, RECIPES. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.