This is one type of blood you would never fear.

Blood oranges are bulbous citrus-filled orgasms. They bring me more joy than I can possibly articulate with earthly language. Suffice to say that everything they touch gets better and classier. The fact you don’t have any in your kitchen makes me question your commitment to your libido. Now’s your chance to earn my respect back: truck on over to the store to get what’s yours. Got some now? Good. We may proceed with mixing up a sexsational cocktail that will leaving your date begging for more. I fully expect you to take credit for inventing this drink. Your date will be all the more impressed that you are a master mixologist in addition to being a cunning linguist with your cunnilingus. Now make it rainy, you bloody bastard!

Total time: approximately 5 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Eating Buddy: Lighter fare like CHICKEN LETTUCE D-CUPS or FIGGY PIGGY PIZZA

Ingredients (2 drinks):
1. 4 shots vodka or gin
2. 1/2 cup tonic water
3. Ice
4. 2 lime wedges
5. 3 blood oranges

Step 1
Fill the shaker with ice and vodka. Zest the blood oranges, cut them in half, and then squeeze the juice into the shaker. Squeeze in 1 lime wedge, pour the tonic water, and shake it like you did in junior high. Pour the drinks in proper martini glasses and mix in the blood orange zest.

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