Who's your papa? Some guy I hope to never meet.
I have never quite gotten the expression, “Who’s your daddy?” This phrase is usually uttered by some machismo douche-asaurus banging some bar skank with a tramp stamp tattoo and daddy issues. I supposed that is appropriate considering she is looking for a father figure and he is fulfilling a stereotype. But think about it for a moment. Who wants to fantasize about banging a family member? Last I checked incest is lower on the evolutionary scale than bestiality. Sure I fantasize about banging someone else’s family members, but that is above the board and legal. I’m more likely to grunt in the throes of wanton lust, “Who’s your daddy’s favorite employee?” Bob, if you’re reading this, this is purely hypothetical and I did not engage in illicit fornication in your boathouse while wearing your prized captain’s hat. I also have no idea where those stains on the wall came from. But I do know where that papaya salsa that you and your delightfully innocent daughter are enjoying. Handcrafted by the same hands that help run your empire. You’re welcome. Do you mind if I borrow Rochelle for sec? I need her help tossing this salad.
Total time: approximately 5 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: A beer or a MO MOJO MOJITO
Ingredients:
1. 1 teaspoon of Mexican seasoning
2. ½ a red onion diced finely
3. 1 whole fresh papaya
4. 1 tablespoon of salt
5. 1 handful of cilantro chopped finely
6. 1 tomato chopped coarsely
7. 2 garlic cloves chopped finely
8. ½ a lime worth of juice
Step 1
Split the papaya, and then cut off the tip. Scoop out the seeds and peel away the skins. Finally chop the papaya meat into bite-sized chunks.
Step 2
Throw the papaya chunks in a big mixing bowl along with the red onion, cilantro, tomato, garlic, salt, seasoning and lime juice. Mix it up by hand like an erotic massage. Serve up with chips or a fine seafood dish.
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 
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