I love me some fraus. German women inspire both lust and terror in me. Perhaps it’s the fractional Jewish blood that runs through my veins, like some twisted Eva Braun fantasy. It may be that they are so matter-of-fact irony is lost on them. But what they lack in the humor department, they make up for in their naughty proclivities. I’m not into any of that shiza nonsense, but I can dig a little role-playing. In this little scenario, I am making a German beet salad dressed in traditional lederhosen. My frau walks in with a leather captain’s hat and horse crop. The casual whippings are applied until the salad is perfect. After I show her my papers, she takes me into a dark room and takes advantage of me. Stockholm syndrome kicks in and I spend the rest of the weekend getting that German squrimin’.
Total time: Approximately 1 hour
Projected cost: $4
Drinking buddy: Riesling
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 1 red onion
2. 4 tbsp red wine vinegar
3. 1 dash sea salt
4. 1 handful parsley
5. 4 BEETS
6. 2 small handfuls feta cheese
Throw the beets into a pot of boiling water and cook until they are soft enough to pierce with a fork (approx 35 min). Throw the beets in ice-cold water and allow them to cool (approx 10 min). Rub away the skin with your fingers and make thin slices.
Dice the red onion and parsley finely. Combine in a bowl with the beets and toss with the red wine vinegar and salt. Refrigerate until go time knowing that the dish gets better as the flavors set and the mood simmers. Garnish with feta cheese before serving.