Get a room?  What’s wrong with a little exhibitionism?  You get a room!

Get a room? What’s wrong with a little exhibitionism? You get a room!

No doubt, some ninny has scolded you for PDA’ing the night away.  They are just jealous of your mojo and spontaneity.  It’s not your fault they aren’t inspired to engage in carnal acts in public, possibly in a suburban shopping mall or on a merry-go-round.  Chances are they haven’t banged properly since the Reagan administration.  Tough titties.  You on the other hand still have a pulse and should cry out, “To hell with you cock-blocking conservatives!”  Grab that special someone’s ass and pull them towards you.  Encourage them to open their mouth and feed them something refreshing and sensual…like this salad.  The fresh tomatoes will dance on your tongues like another tongue, preparing them for the inevitable closing move that will ruffle the feathers of every starched shirt in a 10-mile radius.  Know in your heart that you haven’t done your job until you get complaints from the morality morons.

heirloom-salad-prepTotal time: approximately 15 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: Red or white wine

Ingredients (serves 4):
1. 3 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar
2. 1 tablespoon of HONEY
3. 2 handfuls of toasted sunflower seeds
4. 1 bunch of rainbow chard
5. 4 heirloom tomatoes
6. ½ an AVOCADO sliced thinly
7. 1 fist-sized ball of buffalo mozzarella

Step 1
Create the balsamic reduction by pouring the balsamic vinegar and honey in a small pot and bringing to a boil under low heat.  Allow ½ the liquid to evaporate and then remove from heat.  Pour the reduction in a small bowl and place in the refrigerator so it will cool while you prepare the salad.
Step 2
Wash the chard, chop into bite-sized pieces, and then throw in a salad bowl.  Wash the tomatoes, cut thin round slices, and toss them in the bowl as well. Toss the avocado slices in too.  Cut the buffalo mozzarella into thin rounds and toss those in and crown it all with toasted sunflower seeds.
Step 3
Scoop up the salad as is onto the each small plate.  Drizzle a teaspoon worth of balsamic reduction, throw some sunflowers seed on top and serve.  Make sure that room is ready!

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