Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

On the drunk ship lollywhore, We took a trip to the liquor store.

Never trust a ginger.  Red heads are duplicitous and allies of Satan.  Their freckles and hair color are unnatural so therefore should be feared.  The same rules apply for drinks.  Drinks should be clear, dark red or brown.  But that scary cherry red from grenadine is the stuff of nightmares, or childhood innocence.  That’s why I ordered a Shirley Temple at the bar.  I wasn’t planning to get hammered or molested by a crazy redhead.  She just managed to get me to drink 6 Shirley Temples before I realized there was enough vodka in them to kill a rhino.  Before I could scream for help, the girl with the red ringlets in her hair had me in her apartment dressed me up in a sailor suit.  I thought it was some nightmare caused by snacking too close to bedtime.  But that was before I saw the YouTube clip of us singing a duet of “The Good Ship Lollypop”.  For the record, I did not have sexual relations with that candy.  But I did with the ginger hussy.  The Slutty Temple made me do it!.

Total time: approximately 2 minutes
Projected cost: $6 (excluding vodka)
Eating Buddy: OMG PB&J !, LET’S BANG S’MORE, WHO DA MAC & CHEESE?, TUNA MELT INTO THE SHEETS.

Ingredients (per drink):
1. 1 splash of grenadine
2. 1 part vodka
3.  2 parts 7-Up
4. 1 handful of ice
5. 1 wedge of lime

Step 1
First put ice in a glass and then pour the vodka and 7-Up in.  Add a splash of grenadine so the drink gets red, squeeze a lime wedge and drop it the glass.  Stir it all up and serve you innocent, you.