April 8, 2016
On the drunk ship lollywhore, We took a trip to the liquor store.
Never trust a ginger. Red heads are duplicitous and allies of Satan. Their freckles and hair color are unnatural so therefore should be feared. The same rules apply for drinks. Drinks should be clear, dark red or brown. But that scary cherry red from grenadine is the stuff of nightmares, or childhood innocence. That’s why I ordered a Shirley Temple at the bar. I wasn’t planning to get hammered or molested by a crazy redhead. She just managed to get me to drink 6 Shirley Temples before I realized there was enough vodka in them to kill a rhino. Before I could scream for help, the girl with the red ringlets in her hair had me in her apartment dressed me up in a sailor suit. I thought it was some nightmare caused by snacking too close to bedtime. But that was before I saw the YouTube clip of us singing a duet of “The Good Ship Lollypop”. For the record, I did not have sexual relations with that candy. But I did with the ginger hussy. The Slutty Temple made me do it!.
Total time: approximately 2 minutes
Projected cost: $6 (excluding vodka)
Eating Buddy: OMG PB&J !, LET’S BANG S’MORE, WHO DA MAC & CHEESE?, TUNA MELT INTO THE SHEETS.
Ingredients (per drink):
1. 1 splash of grenadine
2. 1 part vodka
3. 2 parts 7-Up
4. 1 handful of ice
5. 1 wedge of lime
First put ice in a glass and then pour the vodka and 7-Up in. Add a splash of grenadine so the drink gets red, squeeze a lime wedge and drop it the glass. Stir it all up and serve you innocent, you.
May 12, 2014
Tequila to kill ya inhibitions and ability to tell right from wrong.
Tequila makes you crazy. No one who’s ever spent a night in college trying to bang an empty keg will argue with that. But that is what we love about it. Any and all sordid and possibly illegal acts we perform can be blamed on the mysterious Mexican firewater. I blame tequila even when I’m sober, usually when apologizing for banging someone I shouldn’t like my brother’s “off limits” friends. So this drink gives you carte blanche to act like a total madman/woman. And while you’re at it, you get a healthy dose of vitamin C from fresh squeezed OJ (there is no substitute for fresh squeezed; concentrate is totally whack). And if your health and taste aren’t enough, just think about that purty sunrise you can watch at any time of day or night. Read the rest of this entry »
April 1, 2010
AKA The Stupak
I already know. I’m going to hell. So quit with the “I never!” already. I get it. Totally understand that this is crossing the line of good taste. But what’s a life without choices? I made the choice to create a ridiculous cocktail that seemed funny at the time. There were some laughs, some gasps, and some, “You’re an ass!” But you know what? One thing everyone agreed on, it was goddamn delicious! APRIL FOOLS, suckas!!!
Total time: 1 minute
Projected cost: $2
Eating buddy: LOX UP YOUR DAUGHTERS
Ingredients (per shot)
1. 3/4 shot of Baileys Irish Cream
2. 1 splash grenadine
3. 1 maraschino cherry
Fill a shot glass 3/4 full of Baileys. Toss in a cherry. Fill to top with grenadine. Drink.