HORIZONTAL MAMBO MANGO SALSA

October 24, 2008
Mambo mango cook to bango

Regular salsa shouts out “yum!” but mango salsa says you’re both, “classy and well-endowed (with ability to cook).”  This little condiments can take the mundane like a healthy (boring) baked chicken and make it magical.  You can assure that anorexic supermodel that the calories are minimal.  Besides, you’ll burn through those calories soon enough, you sex machine.

Ingredients:
1. 1 mango roughly chopped and depitted
2. 1 tomato roughly chopped
3. 1 handful of cilantro roughly chopped, stems removed
4. 1 green onion roughly chopped
5. ½ a lime
6. 1 jalapeño, deveined and deseeded, and roughly chopped

Step 1
Throw the chunks of mango, tomato, cilantro, green onion and jalapeno into a bowl and mix like a champ.  Squeeze the lime.

Step 2
Mix vigorously so the ingredients are battered around like a 50’s housewife.  Serve with chips, Mexican food, salad, or over fish/chicken.


SIMPLY SEXY SALSA

October 24, 2008
Simple enough so you can figure out how to get that damn bra off.

Simple enough so you can figure out how to get that damn bra off.

If only seduction was as simple as making salsa.  But simplicity is the root of innovation so go with it.  Salsa with chips can be a nice light meal or compliments countless dishes.  Over fish, tacos, eggs, you name it.  Be sure to tell your date you made it from only the finest ingredients, even if you bought them off a truck.

Ingredients:
1. 2 tomatoes roughly chopped
2. 1 green onion roughly chopped
3. 1 handful of cilantro roughly chopped, stems removed
4. 1 jalapeño, deveined and deseeded, and roughly chopped
5. ½ a lime
6. Salt to taste

Step 1
Throw the chunks of tomato, green onion, cilantro and jalapeno into a bowl, squeeze the lime and throw in salt to taste.

Step 2
Mix like an 80’s hip-hop DJ until the salsa break-dances on your date’s tongue via a tortilla chip or your finest taco sampler.


ORANGASMIC CATFISH

October 23, 2008
The only your time together can be more tender than this filet.

Only your time together should be more tender than this fillet.

This recipe is a variation on a dish made for an ex-girlfriend and I by the housekeeper of a rental house in Tulum, Mexico.  Naturally the ex went ape shit over this dish.  The sweetest revenge has been to employ this outstanding dish to bed a number of rebounds.  It’s best served with Mexican rice, steamed veggies and, if possible, a roasted peach or mango.  But a lazy slug can certainly get away with minute rice or over a simple salad.

Ingredients:
1. 2 catfish filets
2. 1 tablespoon achiote seasoning
3.  2 cloves of garlic chopped finely
4. 1 orange quartered
5. 1 Tablespoons of Olive Oil

Step 1
Rub the catfish filets with achiote seasoning and let it absorb for 15 minutes.

Step 2
Pour the olive oil in the pan and sauté the garlic for 30 seconds.

Step 3
Put catfish filets in the pan and squeeze the entire orange, pulp and all,  into the pan.  After a few minutes flip the filets so they cook evenly.

Step 4
Cook the fish until the orange juice has absorbed into the fish filets.  Now the fish serve over rice or a salad.