April 23, 2010
Back in September I took Cook To Bang ON THE ROAD for a month courtesy of Jet Blue’s All-You-Can-Jet Pass. I reached out to CTB readers, old friends, old flames, and random hotties on my many flights to find gaggles of girls to cook for. The challenge was to create three-course meals using only what I found in their fridges and panties, I mean pantries. There were easy ones and total clusterfucks. I raided University of Illinois, Chicago dorm rooms for food and somehow created salad, nachos, steamed asparagus, and epic fail peanut butter cookies for 25 students. Editor extraordinaire Gary Evans edited this sizzle reel from 9½ hours of footage. Yes, that is what I look like.
You might be able to cook better if you don’t live in a dorm and just take classes from home.
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Posted by cooktobang
September 30, 2009
Banging for your sins.
Cook to Bang gets its share of criticism (and praise) in the form of e-mails, comments and flaming bags of dog feces left on my porch. Some people think my food photographs are sub-par (I’m not a pro photographer, guys!), others say I use too many avocados (If loving avocados is wrong, I don’t want to be right!), and a few find my silly little blog “morally bankrupt.” But on the rare occasion, I receive critiques that inspire me to respond…via open letter. I received this gem last week for you to peruse, plus, with full disclosure, I’ve been on road for a month doing the CTB HOME INVASIONS tour and have run out of photographed recipes:
I appreciated the cooking suggestion for petit pan squash, but was saddened to hear your cavalier attitude toward sex. I realize it was probably partially “tongue in cheek”, but at the same time reveals that like many people, you have no concept of God’s intention for sex. He designed it as the expression of an intimate loving and trustworthy, committed relationship, (HIs ideal of marriage). Without this relationship, you’re missing the whole point and sadly hurting yourself and others in the process.
I get to see the fall-out all the time.
I will end this bit of entertainment for you, which I probably shouldn’t have wasted my time on, but just in case some part of you is listening…try reading the book of Proverbs.
First, I want to thank you for taking the time to post a thoughtful challenge to my internet antics. Clearly, we disagree on a number of subjects and I am sorry if my “cavalier attitude towards sex” saddens you. But we both love food, so that’s a start. I can assure you that my THEIR LOSS GRILLED SQUASH recipe has led to many sessions of pre-marital sex, both my own and my readers.
I am a blaspheming, fornicating hedonist who takes your lord’s name in vain on a daily basis. But I was raised Christian and spent my childhood in Sunday school reading the bible until my eyes bled. I respect people’s religious beliefs, which includes the countless religions that regard Jesus as merely a man with great PR skills. Having read Proverbs along with rest of the stories in the Old and New Testament, I dismiss it all as a cute fairy tale with awesome violence sequences and a megaton of begatting. I acknowledge your point that promoting delicious, promiscuous behavior may hurt people medically if they’re too stupid to use protection, but bringing a work of fiction like the Bible into the argument just doesn’t jive. Granted this God fellow you speak of created sex to bring people closer together. But what of the ancient religions of Mesopotamia, Egypt, Greece, Aztecs and so forth that viewed fornicating as a way of getting closer to their respective makers?
The intent of this website is to help people lacking cash, looks and/or game to get their freak on by cooking. If they laugh, that’s an added bonus. I like to think this a community service for the younger, poorer versions of myself that couldn’t get laid in a Tijuana whorehouse wearing a suit made of $100 bills. Cook To Bang works just as well to aid people in sexless marriages to thaw the ice between their partners’ legs. Perhaps you are not my target audience. But I welcome your readership, even if you are merely condemning my fallen generation. Do me a favor: pray for me as I continue to cook and bang recklessly with a wicked smile from ear to ear.
With love stained with questionable fluids,
3 Comments | SEDUCTION | Tagged: $100 bills, aztec, begatting, beth, blaspheme, cirtique, egypt, fairy tale, god, Greece, greecee, hedonist, home invasions, jesus, marriage, mesopotamia, morally bankrupt, new testament, old testament, open letter, petit pan squash, pr, proverbs, tijuana, whorehouse | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 9, 2009
Thanks to the good people at Jet Blue who sold me the All-You-Can-Jet Pass, I’m taking COOK TO BANG on the road. For the rest of September and half of October, my ass will be cooking meals in strangers’ homes all across America.
My challenge: to create a feast with only ingredients I find in their fridge and cupboards. These exploits will be filmed and edited into something that will be, at the very least, amusing as I transform stale Cheetos and a brillo pad into a culinary masterpiece using only a hot plate. The following cities are on notice during these dates:
New York, NY – September 10-15
Miami, FL – September 16-17
New Orleans, LA – September 18-20
Denver, CO – September 22-24
Chicago, IL – September 26-27
Charlotte, NC – September 28-29
San Francisco, CA – OCTOBER 2-4
Las Vegas, NV – OCTOBER 8-11
If you live in one of these cities and are down for a delicious experiment, send an e-mail to:
Stay tuned for delicious footage to follow. And now back to our regularly scheduled tomfoolery.
2 Comments | CTB Home Invasions | Tagged: challenge, charlotte, chicago, cook to bang, ctb, denver, feast, home invasions, las vegas, Miami, new or, new orleands, New Orleans, new york, san francisco, strangers, tomfoolery, video, volunteers | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang