June 13, 2014
You got to lick it before you potstick it!
Innovation generally is born out of desperation, or so I learned creating this appetizer. I returned home briefly after an extended absence and didn’t even bother to take my luggage out of the car. Off to a birthday party I went, eager to connect with old friends, and make a few new ones. My reputation at the party for being a great cook preceded me. One of the guests was especially keen to find out just how much I know about food. We spent most of the night discussing food, our bodies inching closer and closer as we spoke with passion and lust for fine cuisine. I’m not sure exactly how it went down, but we bailed on the party before the cake was served (the food was uninspiring anyway) to whip something up at my house. Only problem was my fridge was empty except for some frozen potstickers, condiments galore and the three strawberries my roommate had leftover. With my cooking game’s reputation on the line, I threw down the gauntlet and made this random piece of awesomeness. My new friend was impressed and gave me props for efforts once that night and twice in the morning. Read the rest of this entry »
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aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, Chinese, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, RECIPES, spicy | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, bang, banging, challenge, delicious, DIY, easy, empty fridge, food, fusion, game changer, gauntlet, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, Potstick your spicy strawberries, potstickers, random, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame seeds, sex, soy sauce, spicy, spicy sweet, Sriracha Hot CHILI Sauce, strawberries, tasty, traveling, vegetable oil, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
August 23, 2013
Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a stinky pinky, y’all!
Riding dirty is the Southern way. At least that is what I learned on my most recent visit to New Orleans. I befriended a Southern belle boozing it up with absinthe at a vampire bar down a dark alley. She did not believe that I was a master of disaster in the kitchen. So I took her challenge on the spot to go back to her place and fix up a meal with only what I found in their kitchen. This cutie with an even cuter accent was unprepared for the awesome assault I unleashed in her mouths and loins. I managed to make NEVER FLAKES CRAB CAKES (minus the mango), a simple salad and a SLOB ON MY KNOBBLER COBBLER with pears. My payment for all my efforts was a cocktail that I present to you. She called it a Pink Lady since she is after all genteel and demure. But the demure soon fizzled away by our fourth round. That’s when she showed me true hospitality in her boudoir. It was only after, while I sipped a lukewarm pink lady as she slumbered next to me that I understood the saying: “Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez.” Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | libation lubrication, RECIPES, southern | Tagged: absinthe, bang, banging, beverage, booze, boudoir, bourbon, challenge, champagne, cuties, date, delicious, demure, DIY, drink, drunk, easy, food, game changer, genteel, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, ice, intercourse, kitchen, Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez, libido, lime, Louisiana, naked, New Orleans, peach juice, pink lady cocktail recipe, recipe, riding dirty, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, southern belles, stinky pinky lady cocktail, tasty, vampire bar, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 4, 2009
Your box of tasty wet dreams awaits!
Community Supported Agriculture boxes make all my cooking and banging possible. More importantly, it makes it affordable. This is in no ways sponsored. Payola is not going on, although to tell you the truth, selling out so I can fill a hot tub full of vodka-infused Jell-O sounds pretty good right about now. I just want to get the word out to all you food lovers looking to avoid auctioning off your organs to afford shopping at Whole Foods. That place is a food strip club with a “don’t touch the girls” vibe. I’ve dropped more ducats in that store than I have on strippers, booze and other illicit contraband combined. As a food whore, it was totally worth it. But I’ve found an alternative:
http://www.localharvest.org/csa/
I pay online ahead of time for a magical box that gets delivered to my local market. When I pick it up and take it home, I act like a giddy 80’s schoolgirl who finally got her autographed New Kids on the Block poster. What’s in the box varies week to week and never disappoints. It’s all local organic, seasonal, top-shelf produce that challenges me to create new recipes I throw on the site. Creating up with 5 new recipes every week can be= challenging. Luckily the CSA box makes decisions for me. I dropped $15 on this box and here’s what I found in it:
1. 1 pumpkin
2. 1 spaghetti squash
3. 2 eggplants
4. 1 cilantro bunch
5. 1 BASIL bunch
6. 1 kale bunch
7. 1 chard bunch
8. 3 petit pan squash
9. 2 summer squash
10. 2 yellow squash
11. 4 globe squash
12. 2 zucchini
13. 1 BEET bunch
14. 1 sugar snap pea pile
Your kidney and half your liver would be allocated to a wealthy Swiss industrialist if you bought the same goods at Whole Foods. But now you have a heap of amazing produce to turn into magnificent meals to seduce any number of sexy prospects. You’re already saving cash not taking your dates to restaurants. Imagine how much more you could save and then spend on booze and lube!
Below are some COOK TO BANG recipes directly inspired by what I found in this Foodie’s Pandora Box:
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, hippie, holidays, LEAFY & LOVELY, SEDUCTION, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, basil, beet, box, challenge, chard, cheap, cilantro, community supported agriculture, CSA, csa box, delicious, DIY, drug dealer, easy, eggplant, food, food whore, game changer, get laid, globe squash, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hot tub, industrialist, intercourse, Jell-O, kale, kidney, kitchen, libido, local, naked, organic, petit pan squash, produce, pumpkin, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spaghetti squash, strip club, sugar snap pea, summer squash, surprise, swiss, tasty, top-shelf, vodka, whole foods, yellow squash, yummy, zucchini | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 9, 2009
Thanks to the good people at Jet Blue who sold me the All-You-Can-Jet Pass, I’m taking COOK TO BANG on the road. For the rest of September and half of October, my ass will be cooking meals in strangers’ homes all across America.
My challenge: to create a feast with only ingredients I find in their fridge and cupboards. These exploits will be filmed and edited into something that will be, at the very least, amusing as I transform stale Cheetos and a brillo pad into a culinary masterpiece using only a hot plate. The following cities are on notice during these dates:
New York, NY – September 10-15
Miami, FL – September 16-17
New Orleans, LA – September 18-20
Denver, CO – September 22-24
Chicago, IL – September 26-27
Charlotte, NC – September 28-29
San Francisco, CA – OCTOBER 2-4
Las Vegas, NV – OCTOBER 8-11
If you live in one of these cities and are down for a delicious experiment, send an e-mail to:
ctbhomeinvasions@gmail.com
Stay tuned for delicious footage to follow. And now back to our regularly scheduled tomfoolery.
2 Comments | CTB Home Invasions | Tagged: challenge, charlotte, chicago, cook to bang, ctb, denver, feast, home invasions, las vegas, Miami, new or, new orleands, New Orleans, new york, san francisco, strangers, tomfoolery, video, volunteers | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 