July 10, 2009
You can't argue with sound arithmetic!

You can't argue with sound arithmetic!

I’m often asked, “What is the Cook To Bang soundtrack?” Chances are good that you will be listening to music while you cook, eat and bang.  So how do you create a sound scape that will move you towards your goal of banging?  This is subjective. What some consider a great tune, others would prefer to hear the death rattle of their own child.  It speaks volumes for our over-privileged and self-indulgent culture that we have the luxury to debate it ad nausea.  Entire social cliques are built around musical tastes.  Beatniks, hippies, punks, hip hoppers, grunge rockers, ravers, hipsters and whatever comes next all have a soundtrack to their lives.

My own conundrum is that the hottest women listen to the worst music.  Ever been to a trendy club with the beautiful people?  I’m picky about my music and Top 40 makes me nauseous. Sometimes I just swallow my pride and pretend to enjoy it for the sake of my libido. But that cheesy soundtrack can follow onto your date.  Shelve your obscure and cacophonous grooves unless your date shares your love for Tuvian throat singers. Try to find a happy medium that doesn’t inspire you to administer a self-lobotomy.

The clever Cook To Bang chef has music prepped before their date arrives. Technology leaves you with no excuse for prepping the perfect seduction mix.  You don’t want to fumble around in the midst of macking to find that one song by that one band on that one album.  Don’t find yourself sucking face while listening to a sexy Massive Attack track when suddenly a Spanish-language lesson kills the moment.  Right as you were about to boldly go where some have gone before, you hear, “Hola! Soy Juan.  Donde esta el banque?”  Funny? Yes.  Sexy? No. Sexy music is in the ear of the beholder.

Below is a list of songs that have led to my most succulent success stories.  These are the sexiest songs I know that create a vibe you can exploit. Some of you will dismiss my suggestions and pure poppycock.  What do I know besides how to COOK TO BANG?

•    Air – “Highschool Lover”
•    The Beastie Boys – “Hey Ladies”
•    Beck – “Debra”
•    Belle & Sebastian – “Stars of Track & Field”
•    Boards of Canada – “Olson”
•    Blur – “Jets”
•    The Brian Jonestown Massacre – “Anenome”
•    Manu Chao – “King of the Bongo”
•    The Chemical Brothers – “Get Yourself High”
•    Cornelius – “Tone Twilight Zone”
•    Depeche Mode – “Enjoy the Silence”
•    Diggable Planets – “Rebirth of Slick (Cool Like Dat)
•    Electric 6 (w/ Jack White) – “Danger! High Voltage”
•    Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong – “La Vie En Rose”
•    Fatboy Slim – “The Weekend Starts Here”
•    Fischerspooner – “Emerge”
•    The Good, The Bad & The Queen – “History Song”
•    Groove Armada – “At the River”
•    Chris Isaak – “Wicked Game”
•    Jane’s Addiction – “Summertime Rolls”
•    Kid Koala – “Drunk Trumpet”
•    Kraftwerk – “Autobahn”
•    Kruder & Dorfmeister – “Original Bedroom Rockers”
•    LCD Soundsytem – “Disco Infiltrator”
•    Peggy Lee – “Fever”
•    Morcheeba “Moog Island”
•    Mos Def – “Ms. Fat Booty”
•    Portishead – “Only You”
•    Prince – “Darling Nikki”
•    Radiohead – “Nude”
•    RJD2 – “Smoke & Mirrors”
•    Nina Simone – “My Baby Just Cares For Me”
•    Tosca – “Worksong”
•    Tricky – “Hell Is Round the Corner”
•    Ulrich Schnauss – “Knuddelmaus”
•    The Velvet Underground – “Pale Blue Eyes”
•    The White Stripes – “You’ve Got Her In Your Pocket”
•    Zero 7 – “In the Waiting Line”

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March 21, 2009
Don't be a slob, bob on my knob!

Don't be a slob, bob on my knob!

You read that right.  Why pussyfoot around the subject when we all know what this is about?  Sweet action satisfaction!  This cobbler is sure to earn you the type of brownie points you can cash in for attention of the oral kind.  Of course I’m talking about having your date hand feed you cobbler.  What?  You thought I was being inappropriate and crass?  Me?  A guy who writes a recipe blog called Cook To Bang?  Get your filthy mind out of the gutter!  I am merely trying to provide my beloved readers with upright (or is it uptight?) family values recipes to bring to their Bible groups.  And lord knows this dessert is sure to get your date to scream out, “Oh God!”

mango-cobbler-prepTotal time: approximately 50 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Dust off that bottle of wine and get to the banging already!

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ½ cup of oats
2. 3 tablespoons of brown sugar
3. 2 handfuls of mango chunks
4. 1/3 of a stick of butter
5. 1 handful of shelled pistachios
6. 1 tablespoon of flour (not pictured, sue me)

Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  Create the crust by melting the butter in a small pot on medium heat.  Dump in the brown sugar and stil until it becomes like molasses.  Dump in the oats and pistachios and allow the butter and sugar to cook into them (approx 1 minutes).  Mix in the flour, stir for a moment, and then turn off the heat.
Step 2
Stuff the mango chunks into 2 small oven-safe bowls or ramekins.  Use a spoon to lay the crusts over the top of each bowl and press down so it is all contained.  Place these into the oven with something underneath like a baking sheet to catch any spillage.  Bake until the crust hardens and caramelizes (approx 40 minutes), then remove from oven, allow to cool, and serve up.  Bonus points if you listen to Depeche Mode a la mode while you eat it

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