All aboard! This party train is headed for your Caribbean culinary connection. Expect steel drums, tropical breezes and dreadlocks. When you aren’t shaking your booty to some live reggae, you can stuff your face with this CARBOLUSCIOUS treats. The banana’s larger, oven-friendly cousin will capture the island spirit. Baking it makes it a guilt-free snack or compliment to your ENTRÉE. Plantains are inexpensive, robust and totally awesome. Your date won’t expect such a delicious twist. Now do as Bob Marley commands and get with the kinky reggae now! Read the rest of this entry »
Title translation: “Tomatillos for my friends with benefits”. Cook To Bang firmly stands behind our willingness to reach out and touch the sexy people of all nations and languages. I’m not only a representative of international culinary seduction, I’m also a client. Hence the multinational recipes, which truly give you BANG for your buck. Tomatillos are a piece of produce too often overlooked. No doubt, I have walked past them in my local bodega wondering, “What’s with those green tomato thingees wrapped in their own leaves? I shall deny their existence just as I deny that there is an alien living in my basement that watches reality TV all day. Sorry, Roger.” Luckily I managed to break down my fear of the unknown because I had a date coming over who had already tried a good portion of my edible arsenal. So on a hope and a prayer to one of Roger’s alien gods, I got down to business and made up something random, loading it with surefire aphrodisiacs. Wouldn’t you know it, my date was rather impressed with my latest efforts and showed it via some new moves she learned watching Animal Planet. We may have freaked Roger out with our inhuman grunts, but he’s a guest in my house. So tough titties, you alien freeloader! Read the rest of this entry »
It’s hard to say no to someone who is fun and young (and legal, obviously). The same goes for a delicious side order liked baked onion rings. These finger foods are lower in fat so it doesn’t feel like a brick floating in your rotting guts. That’s one less reason to not get laid. These will keep you satisfied, but limber enough to make your move. Your date won’t complain about these rings being too oily and ruining their favorite outfit when you put your ungreasy paws all over them. So grope away like Frodo, the Lord of the Onion Rings.
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Beer or soda
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. First crush the cornflakes without pulverizing them. Combine together with Cajun seasoning, salt and sugar. In a separate bowl, beat an egg thoroughly. Dip the separated onion rings in the egg and then the cornflake breading.
Lay each dipped onion ring on a greased baking sheet. Throw into the oven and cook until the breading is crispy and clings to the onions (approx 20-25 min). Use a spatula to pry each onion ring off. Serve them up on a plate with your favorite condom-ment or with a SINWICH.
You read that right. Why pussyfoot around the subject when we all know what this is about? Sweet action satisfaction! This cobbler is sure to earn you the type of brownie points you can cash in for attention of the oral kind. Of course I’m talking about having your date hand feed you cobbler. What? You thought I was being inappropriate and crass? Me? A guy who writes a recipe blog called Cook To Bang? Get your filthy mind out of the gutter! I am merely trying to provide my beloved readers with upright (or is it uptight?) family values recipes to bring to their Bible groups. And lord knows this dessert is sure to get your date to scream out, “Oh God!”
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ½ cup of oats
2. 3 tablespoons of brown sugar
3. 2 handfuls of mango chunks
4. 1/3 of a stick of butter
5. 1 handful of shelled pistachios
6. 1 tablespoon of flour (not pictured, sue me)
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Create the crust by melting the butter in a small pot on medium heat. Dump in the brown sugar and stil until it becomes like molasses. Dump in the oats and pistachios and allow the butter and sugar to cook into them (approx 1 minutes). Mix in the flour, stir for a moment, and then turn off the heat.
Stuff the mango chunks into 2 small oven-safe bowls or ramekins. Use a spoon to lay the crusts over the top of each bowl and press down so it is all contained. Place these into the oven with something underneath like a baking sheet to catch any spillage. Bake until the crust hardens and caramelizes (approx 40 minutes), then remove from oven, allow to cool, and serve up. Bonus points if you listen to Depeche Mode a la mode while you eat it
This dish most definitely boasts the most ass-paragus. Kim Kardashian ain’t got nothing on this dish. Plus this is way better for you than following the exploits of yet another celebutant. No question about it. It packs such a walloping APHRODISIAC punch that the world falls to its knees to service the asparagus’ needs. Behold, if you can handle it. You instantly class up even the most bland and healthy meals. The phytochemicals in this dish nourish even the filthiest minds, bodies and souls. So reignite the passion in your kitchen and go green!
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar
2. 1 pound of asparagus
3. Manchego cheese
4. 2 tablespoons of olive oil (not pictured)
Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F. Wash off the asparagus and chop the stubby part of the stalks. Cover a bake sheet or pan with tinfoil. Lay out the asparagus neatly with no overlapping. Smother the asparagus with olive oil and roast them in the oven (approx 20 minutes).
Once the asparagus is the right soft texture, place them on a serving tray and douse with the balsamic vinegar. Cut up as much manchego cheese as you like and scatter it on top, allowing it to melt a little before serving with a CHICKEN or FISH.