These potatoes are not unlike Inspector Gadget’s self-destructing mission assignments. But instead of them blowing up and you get saliva across your face instead of soot. These bad boys pack a walloping 1-2-3 punch of tasty, decadent flavor. They are not for the pantywaists concerned about too much flavor overwhelming the subtlety of the evening. Not on my watch! Like Inspector Gadget, and really his dog Brain who did everything, I am working with a shadowy government organization seeking to rid the world of flavor. That is where these potatoes come in. It’s our secret weapon against those who would remove any remnants of toe-curling pleasure you could eke out of dining. If we let them win now, who’s to say what they could next. Soon enough they’ll be taking away our love of banging! Glenn Beck should be all up in their tits. Who’s the real American hero now, crybaby? Read the rest of this entry »
ORAL TATER-SPLOSIONSFebruary 16, 2015
SLOB ON MY KNOBBLER COBBLERMarch 21, 2009
You read that right. Why pussyfoot around the subject when we all know what this is about? Sweet action satisfaction! This cobbler is sure to earn you the type of brownie points you can cash in for attention of the oral kind. Of course I’m talking about having your date hand feed you cobbler. What? You thought I was being inappropriate and crass? Me? A guy who writes a recipe blog called Cook To Bang? Get your filthy mind out of the gutter! I am merely trying to provide my beloved readers with upright (or is it uptight?) family values recipes to bring to their Bible groups. And lord knows this dessert is sure to get your date to scream out, “Oh God!”
Total time: approximately 50 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Dust off that bottle of wine and get to the banging already!
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ½ cup of oats
2. 3 tablespoons of brown sugar
3. 2 handfuls of mango chunks
4. 1/3 of a stick of butter
5. 1 handful of shelled pistachios
6. 1 tablespoon of flour (not pictured, sue me)
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Create the crust by melting the butter in a small pot on medium heat. Dump in the brown sugar and stil until it becomes like molasses. Dump in the oats and pistachios and allow the butter and sugar to cook into them (approx 1 minutes). Mix in the flour, stir for a moment, and then turn off the heat.
Stuff the mango chunks into 2 small oven-safe bowls or ramekins. Use a spoon to lay the crusts over the top of each bowl and press down so it is all contained. Place these into the oven with something underneath like a baking sheet to catch any spillage. Bake until the crust hardens and caramelizes (approx 40 minutes), then remove from oven, allow to cool, and serve up. Bonus points if you listen to Depeche Mode a la mode while you eat it