I feel ya! Now feel me. Go on. Reach out and take hold. Wondering what that hot sensation is? It’s my caliente Latin vibe making your brow sweat, heart race, and loins go pitter-patter. Who says boozy drinks can only be sweet, sour, or bloody boring? A pox on thy lame house! How about a spicy alcoholic beverage that is sure to prime them for the night’s inevitable conclusion? That, my friends, is taking the initiative. Your date will never accuse you of having an apologetic palette. Now be sure to feel them as they feel ya tequila. Read the rest of this entry »
Celebrate like a proper American. Freedom, baby, yeah! Indulge in all your liberties, including those only legal in certain Nevada counties. While I personally don’t pay to bang (I cook, remember?), I certainly exchange goods (my awesome food) for sexual favors. Make your own backyard into your bunny ranch. If you are good enough, perhaps you can bang the local cougars for quick cash while they send their hubbies out for more hamburger buns. This simple drink is perfect for drinking all day in the sun with those you wish to bang. It’s especially enjoyable floating in a pool surrounded by hard bodies. So relax from all your labors and drink up. How else will we pull ourselves out of recession?
Total time: approximately 2 minutes
Projected cost: $10
Eating Buddy: Any GRILLED GOODIES
Ingredients (per drink):
1. 2 shots silver tequila
2. Club soda
4. ½ lime
5. 1 small handful mint leaves
6. 2 STRAWBERRIES
Fill each glass halfway up with ice. Squeeze ½ a lime into each, dropping the rinds into cup. Crush the strawberries in your hands and drop into the class. Toss in a small handful of mint leaves. Pour in the tequila. Fill the rest of the glass with club soda and top each glass up with ice.
Ever just start speaking in rhymes?
Happens at the most inconvenient times?
Dr. Seuss crawled down your throat?
Like someone’s always getting your goat?
Bust out some tangy lime and tequila
Your date is sure to touch and feel ya.
So rather than whine, bitch, and groan
Make pasta so good they will moan
I shall refrain from babbling all night
This rhyming even gives me a fright
Guys, don’t just play with your wang
Good forth, my friends, Cook To Bang!
Tequila makes you crazy. No one who’s ever spent a night in college trying to bang an empty keg will argue with that. But that is what we love about it. Any and all sordid and possibly illegal acts we perform can be blamed on the mysterious Mexican firewater. I blame tequila even when I’m sober, usually when apologizing for banging someone I shouldn’t like my brother’s “off limits” friends. So this drink gives you carte blanche to act like a total madman/woman. And while you’re at it, you get a healthy dose of vitamin C from fresh squeezed OJ (there is no substitute for fresh squeezed; concentrate is totally whack). And if your health and taste aren’t enough, just think about that purty sunrise you can watch at any time of day or night. Read the rest of this entry »