KINKY PINKY LADY

August 23, 2013

Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a stinky pinky, y’all!

Riding dirty is the Southern way.  At least that is what I learned on my most recent visit to New Orleans.  I befriended a Southern belle boozing it up with absinthe at a vampire bar down a dark alley.  She did not believe that I was a master of disaster in the kitchen. So I took her challenge on the spot to go back to her place and fix up a meal with only what I found in their kitchen.  This cutie with an even cuter accent was unprepared for the awesome assault I unleashed in her mouths and loins.  I managed to make NEVER FLAKES CRAB CAKES (minus the mango), a simple salad and a SLOB ON MY KNOBBLER COBBLER with pears.  My payment for all my efforts was a cocktail that I present to you. She called it a Pink Lady since she is after all genteel and demure.  But the demure soon fizzled away by our fourth round. That’s when she showed me true hospitality in her boudoir.  It was only after, while I sipped a lukewarm pink lady as she slumbered next to me that I understood the saying: “Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez.” Read the rest of this entry »


LICK YOUR LIPS MINT JULEP

May 3, 2013
Frankly, my dear.  I don't give a damn if you're tired.  Let's bang.

Frankly, my dear. I don't give a damn if you're tired. Let's bang.

I do declare!  Watching all these thoroughbreds at the Kentucky Derby sure does make me hot under the collar.  The horse racing is nice too. The Southern belles wearing their summer hats and sundresses easily bests watching graceful four-legged beasts kick up fresh grass.  Hot to fucking trot!  It seems this race is nothing more than an excuse for bourgeois people to socialize and fornicate.  Fine with me.  It’s like a guy in a threesome.  He’s only there so the girls don’t feel like they are lesbians.  Don’t worry, girls.  Guys will always be willing to be your reason du jour.  Naturally, girls peeling sundresses off in the summer heat makes you want to cool off with a classic Southern beverage like the mint julep.  Plays your cards right, mix the drink well, and you gents might be lucky enough to be the excuse for a threesome.  Just remember, you’re really only there to watch.  Enjoy the show! Read the rest of this entry »