January 15, 2016
Come Mrs. Tallyman, fondle me banana
For the record, Cook To Bang isn’t telling you to bang your nana. That is illegal in most countries and frowned upon everywhere else with the possible exception of Sweden. Why do you think they call it a Swedish pancake? Yet I digress, a bad habit since my ADHD childhood. Bananas are among my favorite fruits. Taste and phallic suggestiveness aside, the magnesium, potassium, riboflavin and B Vitamins run through the love machine you call your body like premium oil used in sports cars driven by men substituting for what they lack. But that’s not your problem. Is it, fellas? Even if it is, fret no longer. Bananas also turbo-charge the male libido with the enzyme bromelain. The fact “bro” is in the enzyme’s scientific name should not be lost on you. Fire up the griddle and make pancakes…in bed. Then make breakfast.
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Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: adhd, aphrodisiac, baking powder, banana, banana peanut butter pancake recipe, bang, banging, bangnana pancakes, batter, boudoir, breakfast, bro, bromelain, brown sugar, brunch, butter, carbohydrates, carbs, classic, delicious, DIY, easy, egg, enzyme, flour, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, griddle, guarantee, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, love machine, magnesium, maple syrup, milk, morning, naked, nana, peanut butter, pecans, phallic, potassium, premium oil, recipe, riboflavin, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sports car, Swedish pancakes, tasty, vegetarian, vitamin b, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 1, 2015
Why spend another Friday night at home pissed off at yet another flake?
My number one frustration in the dating scene is flakes. Nothing pisses me off more than having a date lined up for the night and getting a call, or worse, a text message with some half-baked excuse about a forgotten lobotomy appointment. I erase their phone numbers on the spot and wipe their existence from my memory banks. This happens to all of us, especially with those you pick up without the benefit of an acquaintance’s introduction. Thems the breaks of being on the prowl. So what’s a player to do to avoid becoming a victim of the better offer? Wow the living shit out of them with a memorable meal. Granted these flaky whores and douches need to sample your cuisine first. But once they do, flaking will be the last thing on their mind. Their concern will be staying in your good graces so they never miss one of your epic meals. Crab cakes send a clear message that you are a keeper and deserve the utmost respect and courtesy. There are millions of sexy singles who would gladly take their place at your dinner table and boudoir. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, asian, Cajun, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, RECIPES, seafood, SEDUCTION, southern | Tagged: appetizer, bang, banging, better offer, boudoir, breadcrumbs, Chesapeake bay, cilantro, crab cake recipe, delicious, DIY, douches, dust, easy, egg, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fish sauce, flake, flaky, flour, food, fry, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, half-baked, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, lobotomy, lump crab meat, mango, Maryland, memorable, mix, naked, never flakes crab cakes, on the prowl, recipe, red bell pepper, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, singles, tasty, text message, vegetable oil, whores, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 23, 2013
Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a stinky pinky, y’all!
Riding dirty is the Southern way. At least that is what I learned on my most recent visit to New Orleans. I befriended a Southern belle boozing it up with absinthe at a vampire bar down a dark alley. She did not believe that I was a master of disaster in the kitchen. So I took her challenge on the spot to go back to her place and fix up a meal with only what I found in their kitchen. This cutie with an even cuter accent was unprepared for the awesome assault I unleashed in her mouths and loins. I managed to make NEVER FLAKES CRAB CAKES (minus the mango), a simple salad and a SLOB ON MY KNOBBLER COBBLER with pears. My payment for all my efforts was a cocktail that I present to you. She called it a Pink Lady since she is after all genteel and demure. But the demure soon fizzled away by our fourth round. That’s when she showed me true hospitality in her boudoir. It was only after, while I sipped a lukewarm pink lady as she slumbered next to me that I understood the saying: “Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez.” Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | libation lubrication, RECIPES, southern | Tagged: absinthe, bang, banging, beverage, booze, boudoir, bourbon, challenge, champagne, cuties, date, delicious, demure, DIY, drink, drunk, easy, food, game changer, genteel, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, ice, intercourse, kitchen, Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez, libido, lime, Louisiana, naked, New Orleans, peach juice, pink lady cocktail recipe, recipe, riding dirty, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, southern belles, stinky pinky lady cocktail, tasty, vampire bar, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 16, 2010
Be sure not to spill spinach on your Birkenstocks!
The vegans deserve some love from time to time. Neglecting their needs would be insensitive of me as the apex of a modern gentleman. Besides, I have had a parade of smoking hot, not too hippie chicks passing through my boudoir recently to ignore their needs. Their picky palette must be satisfied too before my insatiable appetite gets its finger-licking fix. Creamed spinach was my bag that night, but my no-cream cutie wasn’t having it. Alas, the Thai cuisine saved the day. Coconut milk was a satisfactory cream-substitute for little miss animal freedom fighter. Smiles all around. Homegirl got her way; homeboy got to play. Plus a new dish was born for the next vegan Thanksgiving when we need something to go with the organic tofurkey.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Beer
Ingredients (serves 6)
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 1/2 can coconut milk
3. 1 dash sea salt
4. 1 small handful sun-dried tomato roughly chopped
5. 1 small handful GINGER finely chopped
6. 2 massive handfuls fresh spinach
Sauté the ginger in olive oil (approx 30 sec) before adding the sun-dried tomatoes (approx 1 min). Throw in the spinach and sauté with a dash of salt until it wilts (approx 2 min). Pour in the coconut milk and slowly cook on low heat until the liquid mostly evaporates and absorbs into the spinach (approx 5 min).
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, hippie, holidays, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, THANKSGIVING, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: animal freedom fighter, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, boudoir, calivirgin, coconut milk, cream in your pants, cream in your patchwork pants spinach, cream-substitute, creamed spinach, delicious, DIY, easy, finger-licking, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, hippie, hippie chicks, homeboy, homegirl, homemade, insatiable, intercourse, kitchen, libido, modern gentleman, naked, olive oil, parade, recipe, sauté, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, sun dried tomato, tasty, thai, thai cream spinach, THANKSGIVING, tofurkey, vegan, vegan creamed spinach recipe, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang