November 16, 2009
The sky is falling...so is your underwear!
For the uninitiated, tonight or more accurately, early tomorrow morning, November 17, 2009 the Leonid Meteor Shower will be on full display. Viewing times will vary depending on your location, but it will be past your bedtime (approx 11pm-4am). Specific info can be found here:
A better date activity there could not be. Rest assured, you know I will be banging under an exploding sky! So if you have a special someone you want to share a quiet, albeit cold (for my Northern Hemisphere readers) night, prepare yourself. A late night picnic under a kaleidoscope sky is sure to get you laid. Who said romance is dead? Below are suggestions on how to maximize a date of cosmic proportions:
It’s going to be cold. You don’t want to get frostbite on your naughty bits. BRING:
You want something to nibble and something warm and possibly boozy to sip on. Here are suggestions from the CTB canon to SERVE:
SMOKING HOT PEPPERMINT FATTY
CHICKEN WING FLING
WRAP YOUR PROSCIUTTO AROUND MY FIG
BUST-A-NUT SQUASH SOUP
PIMPIN’ PUMPKIN SOUP
PINCH YOUR ASS-BERRY BROWNIES
LECHEROUS LEMON BARS
Enjoy the show courtesy of the Universe. Happy banging!
Honey, let's get busy while Orion watches!
April 8, 2009
Don’t chicken out when chicken out a perfect ass!
From here it looks pretty damn good. Firm and spankable for sure. What? I can’t help admiring your fine posterior. You’ve been blessed. That DOES NOT make me a pervert! I may be a pervert, but for doing things far worse than staring at your glorious behind for the last 20 minutes. Quite frankly, if you didn’t want people staring you would have worn some ugly khaki cargo pants instead of that hot number that screams out, “Hey, everyone! Check out my amazing ass!” So there. You must be hungry from being so goddamn hot. Why don’t you sit down and allow me to make a peace offering. Try this chicken salad that is superior to any found in the Milky Way Galaxy. Seriously, Zorvax who writes for Zagat across the Universe assured me of that. He said it’s even better than the succulent salad made from space chickens on the planet Nebulon’s furthest moon. Now sit your luscious ass right here…on my lap.
Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: White wine or an ice cold RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE
Ingredients (serves 3):
1. 1 teaspoon of black pepper
2. 1 tablespoon of mayonnaise
3. 1 teaspoon of red wine vinegar
4. 1 Fuji apple
5. 1 AVOCADO
6. 1 green endive
7. ½ lime of juice
8. ½ lb of white meat chicken
9. 1 handful of PINE NUTS
10. 8 Kalamata olives
Chop out the core of the apple and then slice into long thin pieces. Cut the stalk off the endive and cut every ¼ inch down. Chop the olives up finely. Halve the avocado, and then cut thin long slices.
Marinate the chicken in limejuice and black pepper (approx 10 minutes). Pan-fry the chicken until it cooks all the way through, flipping to cook both sides evenly (approx 5 minutes). Finally, cut the chicken into long thin strips.
Throw the apples, endives, olives, pine nuts, avocado and chicken into a big salad bowl.
Add the mayonnaise and red wine vinegar and toss it all together evenly. Then serve it up, unless you have already commenced groping your date.