CHILLIN’ GRILLIN’ ILLIN’ SALAD

August 31, 2015
You're just grillin', like Bob Dylan!

You're just grillin', like Bob Dylan!

This grilled chicken salad has all the fixings that will help you get that fix.  Been hard up for some attention of the leisurely kind?  Fret no more that you will die celibate and alone in a shack made of cow dung deep in the wilderness.  This salad should help you get back on your feet and banging once more.  Just step back and allow the grilled chicken to open up the flavor in this uber-healthy salad.  You can lure whichever conquest you have your heart set on with promised of a high protein, low calorie waltz on their tongue.  It’s an easy dish to play off like you threw it together without so much as a second thought.  You can leave the impression that this is how you always eat because you are that awesome and nonchalant.  Now you’ll have plenty of time to wow the shit out of your date with other impressive qualities like the ability to read palms, take out flies with a blowgun, and give someone an orgasm from across the room.  Go and get them…at your leisure. Read the rest of this entry »


STUFFING POLENTY OF PEPPERS

September 15, 2014
Get hungry, then get stuffed!

Get hungry, then get stuffed!

Sometimes you just need to do some stuffing.  You have those sexy bits laying around waiting for some action satisfaction.  Who are you not to play those kinky reindeer games?  Get with the program and get stuffed.  The fun part is taking the random goodies and seeing what will fit.  It’s a lot like object porn where they stuff foreign objects into small openings.  Shocking?  Yes.  Intriguing?  Sure.  Delicious?  Most definitely!  The stuffing I created for this dish was from goodies lying around my fridge eager for their day in sun…found in my oven.   This is your chance to blow a few minds and other parts of the body with your stunning creativity.  So polenta some panties off and start stuffing! Read the rest of this entry »


VIA BANGRIA

August 17, 2012

Via Bangria via mi cama

This recipe comes from Mandy in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. We had to include a boozy recipe with summer finally here. Mandy writes:

Sangria in summer is necessary for me as the free clinic is to a hooker. I can’t live without some cold fruity wine as the sun beats down. The best way to enjoy it is with as little clothing as possible. No clothing is best. There’s no better way to cool you down after stick summer sex. Plus you can pick out the fruit and eat them off your play pal. The best part of this recipe is that it’s a portable party for backyard BBQs, pool parties, or orgies. Read the rest of this entry »


CARNAL CARROT SOUP

October 10, 2011

During those cold winter months two things can keep you warm: a hot body and soup.  One can take care of the other.  Pick up the phone, comment how cold it is, and encourage your play pals over to warm their sexy bones with a bowl of soup and your charming ass.  Keep in mind that soup takes a little while, but also lasts a while so making a bunch never hurts.  Just multiply the recipe and you’ll have lunch for a week.  The ginger in this recipe is also great for fighting off sickness like the common cold or celibacy.

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ROCK-HER-WORLD ROQUEFORT SALAD

February 2, 2011
Roquefort and Roll out of bed after a night of unspeakable acts.

Roquefort and Roll out of bed after a night of unspeakable acts.

This salad will rock her world.  It will also rock his world.  And its world should your dog eat it before you can.  It’s like a techno dance party in your mouth.  Each complimentary flavor will have the chance to bust a move on your tongue’s dance floor.  The tart of the lemon will give a shout out to the creamy Roquefort who kicks it over to the endive ditty on out to the crispety crunchety apple who tips its hat to the tangy cranberry bossa nova.  No one is immune to the uncontrollable taste bud tango.  This is a great way to warm the evening up with a little bit of this and whole lot of that.  Warning: those allergic to edible orgasms should steer clear if you know what’s good for you. Read the rest of this entry »


SCHMANCY QUESA-DIDDLE-YA

June 14, 2010

Just a dab will diddle-ya!

Quesadillas are an endless parade of potential. You can’t help but get creative with that classic cheese and tortilla combo. What cheese with what extra goodness is about as varied as positions in the Kama Sutra. Read the rest of this entry »


ANOTHER CHICK(EN) IN THE BAG(UETTE)

January 14, 2010

A sinwich in paradise is oh so very nice!

The Cook To Bang method makes getting your freaky-deak on so simple that must really try to blow it. The simple, effective method is beyond question. A millennium from now when alien explorers discover the remains of our extinct culture, they will come to one simple conclusion: we forgot how to CTB. My hope is that I can keep the human race going another half-century or so with my teachings. All bets are off after that. So with that in mind, try out this simple recipe I made while on vacation. The Latina that slept over after a killer dinner party I threw was certainly not expecting CTB in reverse. After a rowdy session of morning sex, I presented her with this sinwich. We devoured them quickly, and got back to the task at hand…banging each other senseless.

Total time: approximately 7 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE

Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. ½ a baguette
2. Mayonnaise at your discretion (can substitute with mustard)
3. 2 handfuls rotisserie chicken pulled
4. 1 handful lettuce chopped
5. ½ AVOCADO sliced
6. ½ tomato sliced thinly
7. ½ apple sliced thinly

Step 1
Slice the baguette lengthwise and spread mayonnaise as you wish. Lay out the apple and tomato slices, evenly add the pulled chicken, stuff the lettuce and avocado, and force it all shut. Cut in half and you are ready for just about anything.

This SINWICH works just as well as a BREAKFAST as a lunch or DINNER.

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