Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

Not so teeny weeny clam linguini

Pasta schmasta.  The Italians were on to something akin to the inventing the wheel when they gave the world pasta.   Pasta dishes can walk a fine line between outstanding and a sorry excuse for food.  It all depends on the scope of your filthy imagination.  Ask yourself whether closing the deal is worth the extra $3 for better ingredients.  Those who answered “no” should take note that it is far cheaper than hiring a hooker, and with less risk of catching herpes or a shiv in the back.  So put the Chef Boyardee back on the shelf and cook like an adult; you might enjoy some post-dinner adult activities (like Parcheesi…in the buff).  Take this carb cuisine from flab to fab.  Canned clams are cheap and readily available, but your date doesn’t need to know that.  Just say you went deep sea diving in shark-infested waters to retrieve the evening meal.  You could even impress them with your badass shark bite scar, OR better yet, knock their socks (and underwear) off using this deceivingly simple recipe. This recipe debut was interrupted a few times by a dinner date that couldn’t keep her hands to herself.  My lust blinded me to the fact I mistakenly poured the Apple Cider Vinegar instead of olive oil.  The result was a tangy compliment to the briny brilliance of the sea.  This recipe has since earned itself a permanent place in the COOK TO BANG hall of fame.  You’re welcome.

Ingredients (for 2):
1. 8 oz. of dried linguini
2. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
3. 3 cloves of garlic diced
4. 2 shallots diced
5. 2 tomatoes chopped coarsely
6. ½ a tablespoon of Apple Cider Vinegar
7. 1 can of minced clams with clam juice

Step 1
Fill a pot full of water and boil on high heat. Allow the water to boil and throw in the dried pasta and boil until al dente (follow box/bag instructions).  Pour through a colander and set aside.

Step 2
On medium heat, add the olive oil and sauté the garlic and shallots until they soften and brown.  Toss in the tomatoes and the Apple Cider Vinegar and cook down.

Step 3
Pour in the entire contents of the canned clams, especially the milky white clam sauce.  Cook the sauce down until the concoction turns into a pinkish color.

Step 4
Toss the al dente linguini with the clam sauce until they are well mixed and heated through.  Serve onto plates with a crisp chardonnay, beer or sake.  Tastes like triumph.