PLANTAIN CHIP PARTY TRAIN

November 30, 2015
The plantain train is leaving the station with or without you!

The plantain train is leaving the station with or without you!

All aboard!  This party train is headed for your Caribbean culinary connection.  Expect steel drums, tropical breezes and dreadlocks.  When you aren’t shaking your booty to some live reggae, you can stuff your face with this CARBOLUSCIOUS treats.  The banana’s larger, oven-friendly cousin will capture the island spirit.  Baking it makes it a guilt-free snack or compliment to your ENTRÉE.  Plantains are inexpensive, robust and totally awesome.  Your date won’t expect such a delicious twist.  Now do as Bob Marley commands and get with the kinky reggae now! Read the rest of this entry »


DIDDLE THAT COUS COUS

May 2, 2014

Cous cous makes my libido go toot toot

Attention to detail is essential in all aspects of life. You can’t nail the big picture until the small picture gleams. Take your time to familiarize yourself with any new playground you trollop around in. The last thing you want to do is roughhouse where you should be graceful like a pirouetting ballerina. Diddle with care and you will go far. That is how this cous cous dish went from a mundane readymade staple to an incendiary side that will diddle your date’s taste buds. Hear that? That is the sound of your date’s reluctance to bang you fizzling right out the window. You may now diddle freely. Read the rest of this entry »


KALE-IDOSCOPE RICE NOODLES

February 26, 2014

Inhale my kale

This simple as sin noodle dish’s got everything. Want healthy green kale? You got it, bub, Feel like the tart of lime, a hint of Vietnamese with the fish sauce, maybe the tang of sun-dried tomato? Indoubely-deed. How about an aphrodisiac triple threat? Bim bam boom. That mean old Dr. Atkins will shake his immortal head in shame over the carbs, but in their defense, they are pretty light and airy. And that will come in handy when all the colors swirling around this healthy noodle dish spin you and your date off your feet and into bed. Feel free to watch the kaleidoscope in the air when you’re both lying panting, post-coital, feeling it. Read the rest of this entry »


OOH OOH! PONZU COUSCOUS

May 29, 2013
If some asks if you have balls, assure them you got plenty flavored with ponzu sauce

If some asks if you have balls, assure them you got plenty flavored with ponzu sauce

Looking for a side dish that will steal the show and make your guests go “Ooh ooh!”? Look no further than this Japanese/Israeli fusion. Truth be told, I ate it a fancy restaurant that served seared ahi strips over it. The tuna was aight, but the couscous smacked me in the face and left me smiling 7+ years after the fact. Sadly, this restaurant shut down shortly thereafter. So I was left with little choice but attempt to recreate it in my own kitchen. I’m certainly glad that I did because this little side has been wowing girls ever since. Repeat CTB dates will often demand I whip up a batch, even if I’m serving PASTA. Apparently it left more of an impression that my naked body did after the meal. Fair enough. So long as one of my dishes pulls in repeat visitors willing to gratify my ego and libido alike, I will always have enough ingredients on hand should they be called for. And with that, I must whip up another batch because the ponzu couscous-hungry zombies have surrounded my house once more. Read the rest of this entry »


TOTALLY SWEET POTATO FRIES

April 12, 2013
You made these fries for me?  You're totally sweet!

You made these fries for me? You’re totally sweet!

Dude!  Did you see that ollie Mctwist I pulled over the rails?  Totally sweet!  Did you see how I walked right up to that blonde and got her number?  Totally sweet!  Did I mention I was able to Cook To Bang?  Totally sweet!  Did I tell you what I cooked to seal the deal?  Totally Sweet Potato Fries!  These oven-baked fries are seasoned to perfection and make a totally sweet starter, side dish or post-coital snack.  The only thing you have to figure out which someone is worthy of making this stupid-easy dish for.  Hmm… Read the rest of this entry »


RAINBOW CHARD ON LINGUINE

January 27, 2012

Somewhere over the rainbow, something's turning me on. Must be my Wizard of Oz fantasy.

Nothing gives me a chubby like an aesthetically pleasing plate of food. Not only does it satisfy the hunger pangs, but the emotionally pangs as well. Mark my words, nothing inspires sexy time dessert quite like a beautifully presented meal. How it tastes is almost secondary to how it looks on the plate. Shallow? Perhaps. But don’t question the rules of culinary seduction unless you want that chard on to go to waste. Read the rest of this entry »


SUN-DRIED SEX APPEAL PASTA

September 26, 2011
Enjoy this pasta responsibly by wearing at least SPF 15 when you bang outdoors.

Enjoy this pasta responsibly by wearing at least SPF 15 when you bang outdoors.

All that time in the sun will do one of two things: in youth, it makes you look hotter and more desirable; but as the years wear on, all that sunlight can reduce your body to a leather handbag.  I have witnessed many sun-worshipping hotties wither away in a matter of years.  What a waste of a perfectly hard body.  Anyway…this digression was brought to you by Coppertone suntan lotion.  The point to all this warbling is that drying yourself out in the sun is not sexy, but doing the same to a tomato makes my engines revs.  See I’m totally gay for tomatoes as is.  But when you concentrate the lycopene-laced flavor and it becomes like Spanish Fly.  Sex appeal oozes at your pores the moment you throw the sun-dried love into the mix.  This simple pasta dish went from a subdued “Yay…” to a scream-from-the-highest-rooftop “How you like me now?!”  Enjoy this pasta responsibly by wearing at least SPF 15 when you bang outdoors. Read the rest of this entry »