Roasting a chicken is a lot like a slow, deliberate seduction: if you rush it you end up with cold meat and ecoli. But done right it should get you laid plus provide you with some kick ass leftovers for sandwiches, salads or right off the bone, in the fridge, drunk. This dish is hearty, proves you made the effort, and did I mention delicious? It’s mostly prep work, then you can slide in the oven, bump the Barry White and boom-chicken-wa-wa! Read the rest of this entry »
My honey’s got it going on. She knows just how to handle my fruit. Ooh, baby! You know just how to peel ‘em naked, rub ‘em down with your sticky icky, and then heat ‘em up. Dessert will never be the same. Every bite is crazy healthy and bursting with flavor G spots. Hot damn! We can indulge all our flavor fantasies guilt-free. No one can judge us because we are technically playing by the rules. The calorie police don’t have to know how much pleasure we’re soaking up. It’s none of their taste-hating business what we bake behind closed doors. So enjoy with reckless abandon just because you can. It will be our little secret.
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 3 tablespoons of HONEY
2. ½ a lemon of juice
3. 4 Fuji apples
4. 1 cinnamon stick
5. 1 pinch of cloves
6. Plain yogurt to pour on top of apples (not pictured)*
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Peel the apples and cut halves off each side, leaving the cores intact. Cut the smaller slivers off each core. Add all the apple meat to a small baking pan with the cut sides up.
Warm up a pan on medium heat. Squeeze in the lemon, and then add the cinnamon stick, cloves and honey. Mix it together and allow the spices to soak into the liquid. Once the mixture bubbles up, remove it from the heat and pour the honey evenly over the apples in the baking pan.
Throw the apples in the oven and cook until they soften (approx 20 minutes), and then flip them and bake the other side through (approx 10 minutes), pouring sauce scooped from the baking sheet over the topside. Serve up on plate with a little yogurt if you are so inclined.
Roasting a chicken is a lot like a slow, deliberate seduction: if you rush it you end up with cold meat and ecoli. But done right it should get you laid plus provide you with some kick ass leftovers for sandwiches, salads or right off the bone, in the fridge, drunk. This dish is hearty, proves you made the effort, and did I mention delicious? It’s mostly prep work, then you can slide in the oven, bump the Barry White and boom-chicka-wa-wa!
1. 1 Whole chicken hollow and defrosted
2. 1 whole onion chopped
3. 2 tablespoons of achiote seasoning
4. 1 handful of plucked rosemary
5. 2 garlic cloves sliced thinly
6. 8 small potatoes, sliced into bite sized pieces
7. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Stuff the chicken with the chopped onion and rub the achiote into the chicken skin, leaving a few clumps on top.
Place the potatoes all around the chicken in the baking pan. Place the garlic slices and rosemary evenly over the chicken and potatoes. Drizzle the chicken with olive oil.
Throw the chicken in the oven and roast for 1-1½ hours, occasionally flipping the potatoes so they smother in the juices on the pan’s bottom. To make sure the bird is ready to please and not cause disease, slice into the leg or breast and make sure it’s cooked all the way through (as in not pink, dumb ass).
Carve off sections of the bird whether they be thigh and leg (if you’re an ass man) or breast and wing (you get the point). Serve up with the potatoes and some of the onions roasted inside the bird. If your date doesn’t appreciate this, kick their ass out…stat!
• Squeeze a lemon over the chicken half way through roast for more tang
• Add maple syrup for a sweeter taste
• Stuff breadcrumbs into the chicken if you’re a carb lover