February 22, 2016
Ali Babaganoush and his forty thieving whores
Yowch! Sorry about that. I thought I was pinching someone else’s ass. But it felt so right to have my thumb and index finger sampling your goods. Not bad at all. Now that we’ve gotten past the whole digital sexual harassment woes, you hungry? Figured the drooling, stomach growling and eye fucking my food had to mean something. This spoiling eggplant came through in a pinch. While I recommend cooking with fresh ingredients, we gotta make do in this flaccid economy. Hence, we cook your meals at home and reap the randy rewards. Once roasted, this reborn eggplant brought joy to two very hungry, horny people. Both of our tushes were pinched, spanked and a few things you don’t want to know about.
Total time: approximately 45 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Crisp white wine
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 dash cumin
2. 1 dash salt
3. 1 dash black pepper
4. 1 tbsp olive oil
5. 2 tbsp tahini (sesame paste)
6. 1 large eggplant
7. 2-3 pitas
8. ½ lemon juice
9. 1 handful parsley chopped
10. 2 garlic cloves chopped finely
11. 1 handful de-pitted kalamata olives
Step 1
Preheat oven to 350°F/175°C. Poke eggplant with a fork like a prison-shivving. Throw the abused eggplant into the oven and cook until it softens (approx 30 min). Let the eggplant cool down, then split and scoop out the meat.
Step 2
Puree the cooked eggplant with lemon juice, tahini, parsley, olives, garlic, olive oil, salt, cumin and black pepper.
Step 3
Cut the pita into little pie pieces and arrange around a plate. Slap the babaganoush right in the middle and serve it up with some foreplay.
Leave a Comment » | 
healthy, Middle Eastern, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: Armenian, baba ganoush, babaganoush recipe, bang, banging, black pepper, condo, condom-ments, cumin, delicious, DIY, easy, finger, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, flaccid economy, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, horny, intercourse, kalamata olives, kitchen, large eggplant, lemon, libido, Middle Eastern, naked, olive oil, parsley, pinch your tush, pita, puree, reborn, recipe, roasted, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sexual harassment, spoiling, tahini, tasty, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
January 8, 2016
Roasted Chicken Rub Down Served
Roasting a chicken is a lot like a slow, deliberate seduction: if you rush it you end up with cold meat and ecoli. But done right it should get you laid plus provide you with some kick ass leftovers for sandwiches, salads or right off the bone, in the fridge, drunk. This dish is hearty, proves you made the effort, and did I mention delicious? It’s mostly prep work, then you can slide in the oven, bump the Barry White and boom-chicken-wa-wa! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES | Tagged: chicken, entree, garlic, hearty, potatoes, roasted, rosemary, rub down, SEDUCTION | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 31, 2015
Groovy booty, fresh and fruity
You’ve done good tonight. A for effort! All the effort you put into the meal should have earned you enough street cred by now to make the move. But should you choose the road of sweet temptation, try this ridiculously easy dessert. It’s great solo or with ice cream, but also compliments many meals like Orangasmic Catfish. You will appear to be a kitchen god who cooks like a champ so probably bangs like a champ too. Be sure to allow time to roast while your date enjoys the magnificent maestro’s meal.
Ingredients:
1. 2 mangoes
2. 1 tablespoon of brown sugar
3. 1 teaspoon of cinnamon
4. 1 dollup of honey
Step 1
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cut the mango in half, remove the pit, leave the skin and cut bite size piece into the mango meat.
Step 2
Add the brown sugar, cinnamon and honey into the holes where the mango pits were.
Step 3
Cook in the oven for 35-45 minutes until the honey, brown sugar and cinnamon becomes a gooey syrup.
Step 4
By now your kitchen should smell great, which should impress the hell out of your lucky date. Serve it up with other food or ice cream and before you know it…BANG!
Variations:
• This recipe can also be made with peaches, nectarines or apples where you hollow out the core so the gooeyness can take it off the chain!
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: a la mode, cinnamon, dessert, fruit, gooey, honey, ice cream, mango, roasted, side dish, sugar, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 13, 2009
Don't hold back, Bust-a-Nut Squash!
Because one BUTTERNUT SQUASH recipe is never enough. This squash is way too tasty and silky for only one trip around the kitchen. Say you have a glorious ENTRÉE already planned. The wine is picked out. The table was set this morning in anticipation for the amazing evening that lies ahead. But alas, you can’t figure out what to serve with your meal that is classy and delicious. You, my friends (in John McCain voice), are in luck! This dish is hands off and can be prepared passively while you bust out your extraordinary closer recipe. Just be sure to give yourself plenty of time for the squash to roast, and thus fill up your kitchen with sexy smells that make the angels cry. Glory glory hallelujah on your plate. I made this dish last night for a beautiful, but squeamish vegetarian. She complained about the butter and Parmesan ingredients until she took her first bite. Then she took her second and third bites, and then finally she finished it off, inquiring if I had another. I did not have another Bust-a-Nut Squash, but we both got what we wanted. Amen to that!
**My cooking guru, Cookie Lewis and the News, taught me this dish. Her culinary skills make Emeril look like a pansy!
Total time: approximately 45 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Depends on what you serve with it, but I recommend whiskey, like America’s founding fathers
Ingredients (serves two):
1. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
2. 1 tablespoon of brown sugar
3. 1 tablespoon of butter
4. 3 garlic cloves diced
5. 1 healthy handful of Parmesan
6. 1 butternut squash split and gutted
Step 1
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Spread olive oil on each side of the innards of the butternut squash. Scatter the garlic and brown sugar evenly throughout and cover each separately with tinfoil. Roast the squash halves until you can easily pierce the meat with a fork (approx 35 minutes).
Step 2
Scoop out the roast butternut squash meat from the shells being sure to leave them in tact. Mix the squash meat with the butter and Parmesan, using a fork to mash it all together. Scoop the mixture back into the squash shells and salt and pepper as you like. Serve one re-stuffed butternut squash shell onto each plate confident that it tastes 100% CARBOLUSCIOUS!
Leave a Comment » | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, brown sugar, bust a nut, butter, butternut squash, delicious, easy, fancy, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hearty, intercourse, kitchen, naked, parmesan, recipe, roast squash recipe, roasted, Roasted butternut squash recipe, romance, scoop, SEDUCTION, sex, shells, stuff, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 23, 2008
Roasted Chicken Rub Down Served
Roasting a chicken is a lot like a slow, deliberate seduction: if you rush it you end up with cold meat and ecoli. But done right it should get you laid plus provide you with some kick ass leftovers for sandwiches, salads or right off the bone, in the fridge, drunk. This dish is hearty, proves you made the effort, and did I mention delicious? It’s mostly prep work, then you can slide in the oven, bump the Barry White and boom-chicka-wa-wa!
Roasted Chicken Rub Down prep
Ingredients:
1. 1 Whole chicken hollow and defrosted
2. 1 whole onion chopped
3. 2 tablespoons of achiote seasoning
4. 1 handful of plucked rosemary
5. 2 garlic cloves sliced thinly
6. 8 small potatoes, sliced into bite sized pieces
7. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
Chicken, rubbed and stuffed.
Step 1
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Stuff the chicken with the chopped onion and rub the achiote into the chicken skin, leaving a few clumps on top.
drizzle and dazzle
Step 2
Place the potatoes all around the chicken in the baking pan. Place the garlic slices and rosemary evenly over the chicken and potatoes. Drizzle the chicken with olive oil.
Chicken good to go
Step 3
Throw the chicken in the oven and roast for 1-1½ hours, occasionally flipping the potatoes so they smother in the juices on the pan’s bottom. To make sure the bird is ready to please and not cause disease, slice into the leg or breast and make sure it’s cooked all the way through (as in not pink, dumb ass).
Step 4
Carve off sections of the bird whether they be thigh and leg (if you’re an ass man) or breast and wing (you get the point). Serve up with the potatoes and some of the onions roasted inside the bird. If your date doesn’t appreciate this, kick their ass out…stat!
Variations:
• Squeeze a lemon over the chicken half way through roast for more tang
• Add maple syrup for a sweeter taste
• Stuff breadcrumbs into the chicken if you’re a carb lover
Leave a Comment » | IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, chicken, garlic, IT’S ON!-TREES, potatoes, RECIPES, roasted, rub down, SEDUCTION | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Ingredients (serves 2):
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 