WRAP THAT ASS-PARAGUS

April 5, 2010

Wrap it right, wrap it tight.

A fine ass like that deserves to be wrapped up in life’s fineries. Exalt that perfect behind with the TLC it deserves. At least that’s how I approach the perfect booty. Damn close to worship. I show it a good time, probably a better time than the body and mind attached. One surefire method to be hospitable to said ass is to wrap up the asparagus aphrodisiac amazingness with meaty magic. Roll roll, drip drip, sizzle sizzle, mmm mmm! They’re so good your collective lusts may win out over your hunger for the rest of dinner.

Total time: 7 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking buddy: Pinot Noir or Pinot Gris

Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 8 ASPARAGUS spears
2. 8 strips bacon (piggy, turkey, or veggie)
3. 2 dashes salt
4. 1 lemon wedge

Step 1
First wash the asparagus and cut 1 inch off the bottoms. Wrap the asparagus in bacon at an angle tightly. Salt as you wish.

Step 2
Warm up the griddle or pan on medium heat. Throw the bacon-wrapped asparagus in and cook, squeezing the lemon juice over as the bacon starts to sizzle. Cook until the down side of the asparagus browns (approx 3 min) before rolling them over. Salt the other side and cook the other side until it browns (approx 2 min).

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BOAST THE MOST ASS-PARAGUS

March 4, 2009
Send in the Hostess with the Most-Ass!

Send in the Hostess with the Most-Ass!

This dish most definitely boasts the most ass-paragus. Kim Kardashian ain’t got nothing on this dish. Plus this is way better for you than following the exploits of yet another celebutant.  No question about it. It packs such a walloping APHRODISIAC punch that the world falls to its knees to service the asparagus’ needs.  Behold, if you can handle it.  You instantly class up even the most bland and healthy meals.  The phytochemicals in this dish nourish even the filthiest minds, bodies and souls.  So reignite the passion in your kitchen and go green!

jane-asparagus-prepTotal time: approximately 25 minutes
Projected cost: $12
Drinking Buddy: Depends on what you serve with it.

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar
2. 1 pound of asparagus
3. Manchego cheese
4. 2 tablespoons of olive oil (not pictured)

Step 1
Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F.  Wash off the asparagus and chop the stubby part of the stalks.  Cover a bake sheet or pan with tinfoil.  Lay out the asparagus neatly with no overlapping.  Smother the asparagus with olive oil and roast them in the oven (approx 20 minutes).

jane-asparagus-wash-cut-pan-oil-oven

Step 2
Once the asparagus is the right soft texture, place them on a serving tray and douse with the balsamic vinegar.  Cut up as much manchego cheese as you like and scatter it on top, allowing it to melt a little before serving with a CHICKEN or FISH.

jane-asparagus-balsamic-cheese

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