ANOTHER CHICK(EN) IN THE BAG(UETTE)

January 14, 2010

A sinwich in paradise is oh so very nice!

The Cook To Bang method makes getting your freaky-deak on so simple that must really try to blow it. The simple, effective method is beyond question. A millennium from now when alien explorers discover the remains of our extinct culture, they will come to one simple conclusion: we forgot how to CTB. My hope is that I can keep the human race going another half-century or so with my teachings. All bets are off after that. So with that in mind, try out this simple recipe I made while on vacation. The Latina that slept over after a killer dinner party I threw was certainly not expecting CTB in reverse. After a rowdy session of morning sex, I presented her with this sinwich. We devoured them quickly, and got back to the task at hand…banging each other senseless.

Total time: approximately 7 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE

Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. ½ a baguette
2. Mayonnaise at your discretion (can substitute with mustard)
3. 2 handfuls rotisserie chicken pulled
4. 1 handful lettuce chopped
5. ½ AVOCADO sliced
6. ½ tomato sliced thinly
7. ½ apple sliced thinly

Step 1
Slice the baguette lengthwise and spread mayonnaise as you wish. Lay out the apple and tomato slices, evenly add the pulled chicken, stuff the lettuce and avocado, and force it all shut. Cut in half and you are ready for just about anything.

This SINWICH works just as well as a BREAKFAST as a lunch or DINNER.

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DOWN WITH BROWNIE SUNDAE

December 28, 2009

I'm always down for a little brown or black or yellow or white or whatever hottie comes my way

I’m pretty much down with every color of the rainbow. Call me an equal opportunity banger.  If you photographed all my past play pals, you would have a perverse United Colors of Benetton ad. So long as she’s hot and wild, I will go there. My loins are open-minded and willing to give each and every heritage the opportunity to please and get pleased. What can I say? I have taken to heart what Martin Luther King, Jr. “Let them be judged not by the color of their skin, but the content of their character.” The only thing I would add is “the contents of their pantalones.” We’re all the same color when the bedroom lights are out. So with this inspiring call to tolerance in banging and life, I give you this sundae I made for a lady of a Latin heritage. She salsa-danced with her hips on my loins and made me scream “Ay dios mio!”

Total time: approximately 10 minutes

Projected cost: $6

Drinking Buddy: Brandy or cognac
Ingredients (serves 2):

1. 2 scoops vanilla ice cream

2. 2 tbsp butterscotch

3. 1 handful raspberries

4. 2 PINCH YOUR ASS-BERRY BROWNIES

5. 1 small handful chopped walnuts

Step 1

First heat up the butterscotch. Lay a brownie bed, scoop ice cream on top, surround with raspberries, pour over the hot butterscotch, and crown with walnuts and go nuts!

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