November 4, 2008
Caprese them up against the mattress
Insalata caprese is the quintessential simple Italian salad. Stacks of tomatoes, cheese and basil make for quite the sexy threesome. Each flavor is in perfect harmony, never getting jealous that one is getting more attention because they are all so damn fine. The tang of the tomato, soothing taste of mozzarella, and the earthy basil twist = KISS THE COOK. That’s what makes this classic clever. Picky dates looking for a reason to leave you taking a cold shower can’t say no to something so seductively simple. Just ask Stephen Hawking. He’d tell you it’s against the laws of astrophysics. You can’t argue with science, nor can you argue with this desirable salad. One way or another, you won’t be sleeping alone. Bear in mind a human body tends to be more comfortable to spoon with.
1. 2 buffalo mozzarella balls cut into 1 inch thick slices
2. fresh whole basil leaves
3. 2 tomatoes cut into 1 inch slices
4. 1 tablespoon of balsamic vinegar
5. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
Stack the tomato, mozzarella and basil, like you stack the card deck cheating at poker. Same principle, but one is way tastier and slightly more honest.
Serve up your insalata caprese on a plate and drizzle with the desired amount of olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Serve solo, with bread, or with a little serenade.
• Substitute tomatoes with roasted red or yellow peppers
• For a creamier, more foux de fa fa version, use burrata cheese
November 4, 2008
For a good time, call Sweet Potato Ass-Browns.
After a night of making sweet sweet love down by fire, sweet potatoes are a fine way to warm things back up in the morning. Whether that’s eating cold sweet potato pie off your lover or making hash browns between weekend sex marathons. The sweet complex carbohydrates will do you oh so right and happen to be among the most nutritional of all vegetables. Fiber? No doubt. Protein and Iron? Mos def. Calcium, Vitamins A & C? Yes, indeed, and oh yeah! So your dinner date evolved into a breakfast date? Did your new play pal make your toes curl like slices of sweet potatoes soaking in hot, saucy, satisfaction? Then keep ‘em hooked so they come back for round 2 and 3 and 87. Did I mention the ingredients are cheap and easy to find? Always keep you fridge stocked with a few sweet potatoes and great things are sure to cum.
1. 2 sweet potatoes skinned and shredded into bit size pieces
2. 2 garlic cloves thinly sliced
3. 1 onion chopped coarsely
4. 1 handful of mozzarella (or chef’s choice) cheese
5. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
Turn the stove onto medium heat and pour 1 tablespoon of olive oil into a pan, heat for 30 seconds, then toss in the garlic, stirring for 15 seconds. Bombard the garlic with the chopped onions and stir until they soften and brown. (approx 3 min)
Add another tablespoon of olive oil and toss in the shredded sweet potatoes. Stir in the sweet potatoes with the onions all together until they become soft too. (approx 6 min)
Turn off the heat. Throw a handful of cheese over the sweet potatoes and cover the pan. Allow the heat to melt the cheese all over your marvelous creation (approx 1 min) and pull up the lid like Dr. Frankenstein. Serve up your masterpiece on a plate with scrambled eggs or fruit or an indecent proposal. Salt to taste.
October 24, 2008
Flatbread pizza + wine = boom-chicka-wa-wa
This recipe has been an old stand that never fails to make panties drop. It also works great for parties because it’s fast, simple, aesthetically pleasing, low in carbs, and makes you look like America’s Next Top Chef. For some reason, this deceivingly simple dish gets me more props than a high school drama student. You can throw almost any combination of cheeses, meats and veggies to make your own masterpiece, but below is a classic crowd pleaser.
1. 1 Lavash flatbread
2. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
3. 1 handful of spinach
4. 1 half a red pepper sliced thinly
5. ½ a chicken sausage link sliced thinly
6. 1 handful of mozzarella cheese
7. Thin slices of brie (1/4 of a triangle of brie)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Drizzle olive oil over the lavash and spread it around evenly.
Place the veggies, meat and cheese over the lavash. It’s best to do veggies first, meat second and cheese last to hold your ingredient down. Like a pizza crust, make sure to leave some room around the edges so it’s easy to hold onto.
Place pizza in the oven and bake for about ten minutes. The goal is to have the lavash crust golden brown.
Remove from oven and chop into 6-8 pieces. One cut long ways and either two or three cuts short ways then serve with a bottle of wine. Go get em, tiger!
• Fig jam, brie, thin pear slices, candied walnuts
• Beets, goat cheese, artichoke hearts